It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I'm used to being ridiculed for my movie picks. I've been known to have "low standards" when it comes to my opinions on movies, and I'll admit that the haters may be right about that in some cases (Deep Blue Sea, Harold & Kumar, Jason vs. Freddy). But if there's one month a year when I can indulge my love of god-awful horror flicks without fear of ridicule, it is, of course, October.

October is a beautiful month for many reasons. The air gets a little cooler, the leaves begin to change color, and football dominates my weekends. October also boasts one of the most underrated holidays on the calendar. In my neighborhood, the Halloween decorations rival those which you would find at Christmas time, and pumpkins adorn almost every doorstep and storefront. And, whereas Christmas is known for its family-friendly fare and serious Oscar contenders, Halloween always ushers in a diverse collection of horror films: gory franchise pics like Saw IV, supernatural thrillers like The Grudge, and last but not least, good ol' monster movies like the just-released 30 Days of Night.

In case you heard that Josh Hartnett was in this movie and thought it was a sequel to the awful-tastic 40 Days and 40 Nights (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243736/), let me assure you that Hartnett has much bigger problems in this film than "keeping the snake in its cage" (to quote DeNiro in Meet the Parents). For starters, Hartnett is a sheriff in the northernmost town in the United States (Barrow, Alaska) in the dead of winter, and who else but vampires would love living in a place where the night lasts for a full month?

Whereas the standard horror B-movie begins with a gruesome death to set the tone, the establishing shot of 30 Days of Night is a solitary man walking up a snowbank. Ben Foster (Alpha Dog) once again channels his inner psycho in the role of an outsider doing the vampires' daylight dirty work. Harnett and that blond chick from the Amityville Horror re-make (as well as "Alias") play the heroes, and they definitely play up the melancholy of living in one of the most desolate places on Earth.

And what about the monsters in this monster movie? The vampires more closely resemble Dawn of the Dead zombies than traditional Count Draculas. They can't transform into bats or fly, but they can leap and pounce on their prey. One of the cool things about this horror movie is that, unlike its contemporaries, 30 Days is more about the terror of isolation than the glofification of gore. The small band of humans who survive the initial onslaught sequester themselves in an abandoned attic, cut off from the outside world. Their only hope is to wait out the neverending night, though as I'm sure you'd guess, something happens that draws them out of their hiding place and into harm's way. Bottom line: Even if you're not a huge fan of horror films, you'll enjoy this somewhat original take on the vampire legend. I was a little disappointed that the film didn't even try to explain the vampires' origins or reasons for invading small-town Alaska, but hey, it is a Josh Hartnett movie after all. 2 PB Jars

And one for the road...

I finally saw Transformers on DVD and thought it rocked. Shia LeBoeuf did a decent enough job to carry this Michael Bay blockbuster to the finish line, despite several corny lines and scenes. I was more impressed with the redonculous surround sound than the visual effects, but both were sweet as always. The obligatory Michael Bay car chases also passed muster. As long as you don't expect a sensical plot, you'll enjoy the ride. 2 PB Jars

Halloween [Rob Zombie Remix]

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

At some point in the next 10 days, there's a good chance you'll catch the original Halloween on cable as you're flipping through the channels. One of the most interesting notes about this film - besides the fact that it was actually filmed in the spring, and that the now infamous Michael Myers mask was actually a William Shatner mask spraypainted white - is that the killer is identified in the credits as simply "The Shape". Even though his name is now part of the slasher pantheon, along with Jason Voorhies and Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers began his teenager-terrorizing career as a rather anonymous "thing". He lacked emotion. He lacked an apparent motive. He never uttered a single word. The original Michael was more of a silent, mechanical predator in the Jaws mold than a manipulative, vengeful villain like Freddy Kruger.

So, in "reinvisioning" this horror classic, Rob Zombie took the rather obvious next step: he attempted to show what makes the monster tick. The first point of deviation from the original is that Michael speaks (albeit only during his childhood). Rob Zombie portrays young Michael as the stereotypical product of a broken home, abused by his step father at home and by bullies at school. Michael demonstrates the tell-tale signs of a sociopath, such as self-isolation and animal torture. All of this may sound cliched, but Zombie surprised me in his ability to make young Michael a sympathetic figure. Whereas the Michael of John Carpenter's original film appeared to kill his sister randomly and without motive, the "reinvisioned" Michael specifically targets the school bully (his first kill), his abusive step father, and the promiscuous older sister who refused to take him trick-or-treating. He's not a killing machine, per se. He spares his younger sister, Laurie, and he shows genuine affection toward his mother even after the killings. This new Michael is much more than a phantom "Shape" or "Bogeyman". His kills, though gruesome and appalling, feel strangely justified. If you've ever seen Showtime's fantastic series "Dexter", you get the idea.

Personally, I prefer the original Michael, and not just for nostalgic reasons. The great thing about the original Halloween is that it's so simple, and yet so compelling. We don't know why Michael became a killer, or how he chooses his targets. We just know that he's on the loose, and that you should run immediately if you spot him. The new Halloween (and the reinvisioned Michael) is messier, more complex, and ultimately less entertaining than the original. However, if you're a fan of Rob Zombie's previous films, or you'd rather not shell out $10 for another installment of Saw, the new Halloween isn't a bad go. Halloween (1978): 3 PB Jars. Halloween (2007): 2 PB Jars.

Vote!! What was your favorite film of Summer 2007?

Check out our nifty new survey tool on the left and log your vote for the best film of Summer 2007! If you have selected "Other?", please post a comment here with your pick. If your selection has enough support, we'll add it to the survey (unless, of course, your selection is Hostel II, in which case I will promptly delete your comment - yes P, I'm talking to you).

John Harvard... Master Chief?

I have to hand it to the nerds at MIT for pulling off this amusing "hack" (MIT language for "prank"). At moments like these I'm glad that those kids don't have lives.

Now, the real question of interest to pb&movies is when will the Halo trilogy be adapted for the big screen? Maybe in 2009 according to IMDb.

3:10 to Yawn

I had high hopes for the pairing of Christian Bale and Russell Crowe in the remake of western 3:10 to Yuma, and it delivered... boredom. I saw Yuma as the front end of a double feature, my first in a long time (sidenote: If you've never tried the unofficial double feature, you really need to. P - a future post topic!?). Unfortunately for Yuma, I saw Shoot 'Em Up as the second flick. Immediately after the first movie ended, I had a mixed reaction. The acting had been fine, the action exciting but unoriginal, but I really didn't have any visceral engagement with the characters or the finale. Of course, after being on the edge of my seat laughing and cheering throughout Shoot 'Em Up, my real issues with Yuma came out. 3:10 to Yuma is slow for no reason, and since it is slow, I expect a lot deeper, more engaging characters.

I blame the screenwriting, which didn't give us enough depth with Crowe's outlaw, Ben Wade, to really understand any of the choices he makes towards the end of the film. The writing is unfortunate, because both actors, Bale and Crowe, are on their game, bringing an intesity to these somewhat lifeless western caricatures. But the intensity seems out of place with no emotional weight to back it up. As for the pace, there are a number of unnecessary scenes and drawn out shots that accomplish nothing other than to put the audience to sleep. When I compare 3:10 to Yuma with Open Range, my favorite western of the new millenium but also a slow moving film, I find the characters, action and emotional weight of the latter to be significantly more original and engaging. So, skip 3;10 to Yuma and instead drop whatever you're doing and go see Shoot 'Em Up right now!.

3:10 to Yuma - 1.5 PB Jars

Drop whatever you're doing and go see Shoot 'Em Up right now!

Damn this movie kicked ass! You need to get up right now and go see it, especially since its days at the multiplex are numbered. Imagine all the best parts of all your favorite mindless stylized action flicks packed end-to-end for 80 adrenaline pumping minutes and you've got the idea behind Shoot 'Em Up. You know what you're in for during the first two minutes of the movie when Clive Owen's character, Mr. Smith, kills some bad dude with a carrot... that's right A CARROT. This badass Bugs Bunny in a trench coat then goes on an oil-slick rampage that makes The Transporter look lethargically paced. The premise is absurd. Mr. Smith is a grumpy bum waiting for a bus when he decides to play good Samaritan to a a pregnant lady being chased by a guy with a gun. The guy with a gun is just one of many guys with guns, lead by Paul Giamatti's uberassassin, who seem intent on killing this lady and her baby. Turns out Mr. Smith is some former black ops superfighter who knows a thing or two about kicking ass, and mayhem ensues... for 80 minutes. The incredibly hot Monica Bellucci shows up as a hooker with a maternal instinct, but all you really need to know about her character is that she makes a shoot-out-while-having-sex possible. Again, completely absurd. Owen and Giamatti play their characters to over-the-top perfection, taking this film from excess for the sake of excess into the realm of satire. Every action scene, which is pretty much the entire movie, has repeat "holy sh-t" moments where you don't know whether to laugh, scream or applaud the stuntmen. In sum, go see this movie, go see it now, you'll be glad you did.

Shoot 'Em Up - 3 PB Jars

I'm back!

i know you all have been dripping with anticipation, just waiting for me to post again, so here goes:

Thoughts on Best Football Movies - Varsity Blues and Jerry Maguire have to be on the list, hands down. Since I've never seen Necessary Roughness or Little Giants (which I can't imagine is good), I'm knocking those off. For the most part I agree with the rest of P's choices. Friday Night Lights was highly overrated and works much better as a tv show than it did as a feature film. The entire topic does beg the question - why so many fewer good football movies than baseball movies? Even the best football flicks (AGS, Program) pale in comparison to the best baseball films (The Natural, Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Sandlot, The Rookie, Major League, the list goes on). I'd argue that baseball translates far better onto celluloid because there is a natural folklore element to the sport that facilitates more engaging storytelling. Football, while exciting to watch on tv, has much less personality and as a result is more difficult to craft characters and story around.

Best Place to See a Movie - Alamo Drafthouse, Austin Texas. If you haven't had the pleasure of taking in a movie in a theatre where you can order food and drink, you need to give it a try. I caught The Simpsons Movie at the Alamo Drafthouse during one of my recent trips to Austin. The theatre has every other row removed to make room for a small table on which to sit your food and bucket(s) of beer. For the Simpsons showing, the Drafthouse had a special menu including Duff beer, a Krusty Double Burger Meal, a Ribwich, a Donut Casserole, and more. The entire experience was amazing. There is no better way to watch the Simpsons than with a Duff in your hand. I'd only give The Simpsons Movie itself a 1.5 PB Jar rating, but after a couple buckets of Duff at the Drafthouse it was an easy 3.

For some additional insight into the Alamo Drafthouse, rent Hot Fuzz on dvd and check out their US Tour documentary for the screening in Austin. In fact, rent Hot Fuzz anyway because it is hilarious. While I don't think the hotly anticipated follow-up to Shaun of the Dead could possibly have lived up to my unfairly high expectations, it put forth a valiant effort and any shortcomings were more than made up for by the non-stop blood, guts and laughs of the film's final 20 minutes.

Best Movie of the Summer (so far) - It is a tough call between Ratatouille (3 PB Jars) and the Bourne Ultimatum (3 PB Jars), with Superbad (3 PB Jars) and Knocked Up (2.5 PB Jars) close behind. A full summer round-up is called for next week, once Fall is officially upon us. I had high hopes for Shoot 'em Up and 3:10 to Yuma, but based on preliminary reviews (NYT called Shoot 'em Up a "worthless piece of garbage") I'm doubtful that these will crack my top films of the summer.

So, that's about it. See you all again in another 2 months.

Reader Feedback Poll #2

"Welcome to foot, balls!"

What better way to celebrate the kickoff of football season than a Top 5 list to generate some reader feedback...

ALL-TIME TOP 5 FOOTBALL FILMS

5. Little Giants - I'd put it a notch below The Sandlot, but Giants definitely succeeds at entertaining viewers of all ages. Rick Moranis and Ed O'Neill deserve props.

4. Rudy - Classic.

3. Necessary Roughness - Not a perfect movie, but it does a good job of blending on-the-field action with off-the-field antics. Scott Bakula, Rob Schneider, Kathy Ireland, and Sinbad - talk about your dream-team lineup.

2. Any Given Sunday - Could easily have been #1 on my list, but it did run a little long and get a little ridiculous at times. Jamie Foxx warms up for future Oscar-nominated roles as the phenom QB "Steamin'" Willie Beamen. (My only question: Why didn't he throw more passes to TO?) The slo-mo rain storm scene rocked.

1. The Program - I've heard that college football players consider this the most realistic football movie ever made. I'm not sure if they're talking about the part when the star QB starts a bar fight, or when the juiced-up lineman smashes his head through a car window. In any case, this movie is the perfect combo of football and extracurricular action, with spot-on performances by James Caan, Omar Epps, Kristy Swanson, and Halle Berry.

Second String: The Waterboy, Friday Night Lights, Remember the Titans, School Ties, Varsity Blues

Cut during Training Camp: Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver, Angels in the Endzone [in truth, I haven't seen either of these movies]

Surprised that Jerry Maguire didn't make the cut? Pissed off because I didn't include The Replacements? Please share your thoughts below...

Thriller Triple Feature

There's no better way to pump some adrenaline into the dog days of summer than a cold beverage and a suspenseful movie (or three) from Blockbuster…

Vacancy - A capably-executed thriller, Vacancy proves to be quite watchable despite its overly familiar plot. A youngish couple gets stranded in the sticks and stumbles upon a sketchy, rundown motel. The creepy manager is played by Frank Whaley, who you may remember as the Kahuna Burger guy who gets blown away by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction. What I'm going to say next shouldn't even classify as a spoiler because it's so obvious (plus the trailer gave it away): Whaley's manager has video cameras hidden in all the motel rooms so that he can shoot snuff films. Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale prove to be less than willing participants (shocker). Running, hiding, and screaming ensue. Is Vacancy scary? Meh. Is it entertaining? Enough to be worth the rental fee. I'm still not convinced that Luke Wilson can act, but he, Beckinsale, and Whaley do a fine job of carrying this movie. Note to self: If your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, sleep in your car. 2 PB Jars

Premonition - On Wednesday, Sandra Bulluck's husband dies in a car accident. She wakes up the next day and he's drinking coffee in the kitchen. She wakes up the next day and her husband is dead again and his funeral is that afternoon. If you are intrigued, rent this movie. If you couldn't care less, go with Vacancy. How's that for a concise movie review? 1.5 PB Jars

The Number 23 - Since achieving stardom with Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey is batting around .250 in serious roles. Most recently he hit a home run with Eternal Sunshine (or so I've heard), so I shouldn't have expected another hit when I rented The Number 23. I really, really wanted to like this movie, but I found much of it boring. I generally enjoy quasireligious gothic thrillers, but this film hardly qualifies. To illustrate, here's a quick synopsis: Walter Sparrow (Carrey) begins reading a book called "The Number 23." The narrator's life bears remarkable similarities to his own - though the narrator is a detective. Director Joel Schumacher provides noirish cut scenes of Sparrow imaging himself acting out the events of the book. (Carrey is laughable as a hard-boiled detective.) Sparrow adopts the narrator's obsession with the number 23, finding myriad ways to make names, addresses, and dates add up to this supposedly diabolic number. (Two divided by three equals .666.) Somehow he becomes convinced that the "cursed" number will provoke him to kill his wife… buh? To reiterate, I love movies like The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, and even The Ninth Gate -- but The Number 23 definintely does not live up to these psychological thrillers. 1 PB Jar

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Two days till Rob Zombie's Halloween re-make hits theaters. Now there's a thriller that should earn 3 PB Jars! *

Snakes on an ESPN

The Convergence of Hollywood, Bristol, and Fantasy Football

by Peanut

What do Samuel L. Jackson, Howie "Stump the" Schwab, and yours truly have in common?

We were all at ESPN's Bristol campus on Monday morning. Now granted, I didn't get to meet the star of Deep Blue Sea in person, nor did I have the chance to grill the Schwab with random sports trivia questions. (I did catch a glimpse of him waddling across the parking lot toward his car, however.) But I knew I was in their presence all the same, and I got to thinking about the recent convergence of Hollywood, pro sports, and MySpace in American culture.


Pro athletes have certainly walked the Hollywood red carpets for years, but only in the past decade or so have film actors and TV personalities made their presence known in the sporting world. From the MTV "Rock & Jock B-Ball Jam" (Duchovny's got mad game, btw) to the ESPY Awards (hosted by Jackson and other A-list celebrities), the entertainment and sports worlds have truly become intertwined. It was prophetic that Bill Rasmussen named his fledgling cable network the "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network" when it launched back in 1979. His original idea was to create a regional network dedicated to UConn Huskies and Hartford Whalers coverage. Little did he know that, within 30 years, Hollywood stars would be dropping by his isolated Connecticut headquarters to appear on morning sports shows.


Last night I tuned into ESPN's "SportsCenter Fantasy Draft Special," expecting an all-star cast of NFL experts -- guys like John Clayton, Chris Mortensen, and Sal "I'm Not A City In Texas" Paolantonio. Mort was there, along with fellow ESPN regular Michael A. Smith and a handful of former NFL all-pros and all-wastes-of-space. (Sean Salisbury, I'm looking in your direction.) The real shocker, though, was the inclusion of actor Jerry O'Connell. That's right: Jerry...freakin'...O'Connell. I'm supposed to be getting fantasy draft tips from the star of Tomcats? Does playing a bit role in Jerry Maguire really qualify you for NFL expert status?

Okay, in all honesty, I was not offended by Jerry O'Connell's participation in this rather ridiculous televised event.* He demonstrated at least a rudimentary understanding of fantasy football, which cannot be said for Michael Smith. (Smith didn't draft a running back till Round 4, which is how he got stuck with Marion Barber and rookie Adrian Peterson as his starting RBs. Michael, your Boston Globe writing gig and substitute role on the Mike & Mike radio show don't excuse you from taking a nationally-televised fantasy draft seriously.) And for all I know, O'Connell really is an avid fantasy football player, not just a struggling actor with nothing better to do than be referred to as "Kush" on national TV by a guy with the equally ridiculous (real) name of Trey Wingo.

The point is that Hollywood celebrities are just as obsessed with sports as the hoi poloi; they're just more likely to show up on TV while discussing or playing sports. Ah, but that's where the fantasy football boom and Howie Schwab come in. You and I don't have to have Snakes on a Plane on our resumes in order to be fantasy commissioners. You and I don't have to be married to Rebecca Romijn in order to have people listen to us opine on the merits of drafting Larry Johnson with the 3rd overall pick. The Samuel L. Jacksons and Jerry O'Connells of the world are just visitors in the land of Fantasy Sports, where the Stat Freak is king. Lest ye think that fantasy football is just some dumb fad: 14 million Americans (and growing) will play fantasy football this year, with an estimated cost of $435m in lost work productivity.**

In the world of blogging, YouTubing, and fantasy football strategizing, guys like Howie Schwab rub elbows with guys like Jerry O'Connell...and then take home their league's championship prize. What does it all mean? Your guess is as good as mine, but it sure sounds like the forces of democratization are at work. Hollywood used to be the refuge of the rich and famous, but now at least some of the stars are falling to earth -- for a 5-minute interview on SportsCenter, or a chance to draft LT. Anyway, I've done enough ranting for today, so I'm going to finish listening to this fantasy football podcast on the way to Blockbuster to rent Tomcats.

* Check out this site to see what made the ESPN SportsCenter Fantasy Draft so ridiculous:
http://winningtheturnoverbattle.blogspot.com/2007/08/worst-draft-ever.html

Here's an excerpt: "Watching these 'experts' do a fantasy draft is like watching a dating advice show hosted by Screech and Bill Nye the Science Guy."

** "Fantasy football costs businesses $435M in lost productivity," Sacramento Business Journal 22 Aug. 2007, <http://www.bizjournals.com/sacramento/stories/2007/08/20/daily30.html>.