EW's Soundbites from 2007

For your enjoyment, funny quotes from 2007 (borrowed from the Entertainment Weekly article found here):

''This guy is either going to think, Here's another kid with a fake ID, or Here's McLovin, the 25-year-old Hawaiian organ donor.''— Michael Cera in Superbad

''I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as. And I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.''— Miss South Carolina Teen USA Lauren Caitlin Upton, answering a question about why 20 percent of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map, on the Miss Teen USA pageant

''I've been to thousands and thousands of concerts in my life, and I can tell you these are the worst seats I've ever had.''— James Spader, commenting on the theater-in-the-round seating while accepting his Emmy for Outstanding Actor in a drama series

''At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.'' — Seth (Adam Brody), saying goodbye to Ryan (Ben McKenzie), on the series finale of The O.C.

''Do I look like I'm negotiating?'' — George Clooney in Michael Clayton

''Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does.'' — Homer Simpson in The Simpsons Movie

''This! Is! Sparta!'' — Gerard Butler in 300

''It's Britney, bitch!'' — Britney Spears, ''Gimme More''

''Give a black man a chance!'' — Kanye West, after losing five awards including Male Artist of the Year at MTV's VMAs

''Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don't go grabbin' somebody else's, somebody's husband's balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful!'' — Faith Hill, chiding a randy concert fan in Louisiana

''Clothes don't make the man, God does. Stop taking credit, my pants!'' — Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report

''You are my heroine. And by 'heroine,' I mean lady hero. I don't want to inject you and listen to jazz.'' — Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), to her idol TV writer (Carrie Fisher), on 30 Rock

''You can stand under my umbrella.'' — Rihanna, ''Umbrella''

''Not my daughter, you bitch!'' — Mrs. Weasley, defending Ginny against Bellatrix Lestrange, in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

January TOTM...TO THE EXTREME!!!

The Signal - Feb. 22

http://www.apple.com/trailers/magnolia/thesignal/trailer/high.html

Story seems loosely based on the Stephen King thriller Cell, and visually inspired by 28 Days Later.

January TOTM

It is fitting that the first Trailer of the Month for 2008 is for the film I'm most excited to see this year - The Dark Knight. Check out the full length trailer on The Dark Knight's official site http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/ or by searching for it on YouTube. While the new trailer isn't especially original, it does the trick and gets my blood pumping for the next installment in the Batman series. Based on the trailer, Heath Ledger's Joker is a nice blend of creepy and humorously wacky (though not as over-the-top as Jack Nicholson played it), and the Batcycle looks pretty slick. I was surprised to see what appears to be a less CGI-driven take on Gotham. Both this film and Batman Begins were filmed in my home city of Chicago, but in Batman Begins the city was barely recognizable through all the CGI additions. In a few scenes from The Dark Knight trailer, many buildings in downtown Chicago are immediately recognizable and don't seem to have been digitally altered much, if at all.

New Year's Resolution: See More Movies in the Theater!

Theaters make movies better. Yes, the prices are too high. Yes, there's the risk of an annoying person sitting next to, in front of, or behind you. Yes, your timing is restricted by the Fandango gods who set the film schedules. But, movies are so much more fun to watch in the theaters.

Theaters can enhance the movie watching experience in a handful of ways. Sometimes the enhancements are dramatic and depend on what the individual theater has to offer. Such was the case when I went to the Alamo Drafthouse and saw The Simpson's Movie with a bucket of Duff Beer. However, even at your local AMC, Landmark, Hoyts or Regal multiplex you've got the buttery goodness of overpriced popcorn, the Coming Attractions (those trailers look way better on the big screen than they do on my laptop), the reactions of your fellow moviegoers, perfect surround sound, ideal lighting, and, most important of all, a big ass screen. Even crummy movies can be entertaining and enjoyable when viewed as part of the entire theater-going experience. Case in point - National Treasure: Book of Secrets. Over the holidays, I saw a few movies in the theater with my folks. They paid for the movies on the caveat that I was stuck watching whatever they were interested in. So, no I Am Legend, Juno, Sweeney Todd, or Before the Devil Knows You're Dead for me. Instead, I was treated to Charlie Wilson's War and National Treasure Part Deux.

Charlie Wilson's War, a film about a nobody Senator from Texas and his role in escalating the US's anti-Russian involvement in Afghanistan in the 1980s, was quite good. Tom Hanks, as the Senator, and Philip Seymour Hoffman carry the film and their rapport alone makes it worth seeing. Hoffman, in particular, is brilliant as a rough around the edges CIA operative. Julia Roberts is outdone by the leading men, but is still quite watchable. The film struck me as somewhat uneven. The first three quarters of it play like a late 80s "let's go kill some Russians" Cold War movie. The last quarter puts more of a contemporary spin on the conflict, alluding to the impact it has had on our modern day issues in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, the latter portion differs so greatly in tone from the rah-rah joviality of the earlier portion that it almost feels like an afterthought rather than the logical conclusion to the film. Nonetheless, I was glad that the contemporary connection was made because otherwise the film would have felt outdated and trivial. 2 PB Jars

National Treasure: Book of Secrets is a perfect example of why I will be going to the theater more often in 2008. This was not a "good" movie by any means. The plot is convoluted and cheesy, while still managing to be nearly identical to that of the first National Treasure. The overacting is just above tolerable. Yet, watching Book of Secrets on the big screen, I was thoroughly entertained. I laughed at the bad jokes while scarfing down my overly buttered popcorn. I jumped at predictable, not-very-scary moments. I rooted for Nicholas Cage's Ben Gates to win back the girl. I soaked in some beautiful scenery and special effects. And, I kept hoping that the next clue would lead them to the treasure (spoiler alert: eventually it does!). When the movie ended I promptly forgot pretty much everything that had happened in it, but was left with a smile on my face. Ultimately, that's all I was looking to get for my Dad's 10 bucks. 1.5 PB Jars

New Year's Resolution: Watch More DVDs

...if for no other reason than to justify my $20/month Blockbuster Online subscription. It'll be tough to do now that TV's "second season" is revving up (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles premieres a week from Sunday). American Idol be damned - here are some rentals to consider:

The Bourne Ultimatum - Paul Greengrass is a geinus. That's right - the guy who wrote that United 93 was overrated is calling Paul Greengrass a genius. He's got to be considered the top action director in Hollywood right now on the strength of his two Bourne sequels. I haven't decided whether I like Ultimatum more than Supremacy, which had one of the best car chase sequences of all time. The Manhattan car chase in Ultimatum doesn't match Supremacy's climactic Moscow tunnel sequence, but Ultimatum is superior in other ways. For one thing, I like how there are multiple assassins who duel with Bourne. Plus, there's that amazing great running-on-rooftops/jumping-through-windows/kicking-ass sequence. The final revelation about Bourne's identity isn't as earth-shattering as I had expected, but I'd still give this movie an exemplary 2.5 PB Jars.

The Kingdom - I didn't really buy the team chemistry when Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, and Chris Cooper investigate a terrorist attack in Saudi Arabia. However, I let that slide because I was sucked into the story by the midway point. Sometimes movies feel too current and too political to be entertaining, but The Kingdom walks that fine line pretty successfully. Arrested Development fans, be prepared to see your boy get his ass handed to him by some Saudi extremists. 2.0 PB Jars

Failure to Launch - Scoff if you want, but this was a light-heartedly hilarious movie. The cast is very likable (with the possible exception of Sarah Jessica Parker, though she was aight). Best scene: The Daily Show's Rob Cordry plays a sheepish gun salesman. His performance, though brief, is an instant classic. 2.0 PB Jars

Rescue Dawn - This movie sucked. Critics who gushed about this movie should be ashamed. I'm not gonna give it a 0.0 rating or anything, probably because I have man-love for Christian Bale and can't bear the thought. Still, this movie sucked. It was boring. It felt like a re-make of other Vietnam movies. Part of the problem is that it's based on one guy's memoir (a German immigrant who joined the U.S. Navy during Vietnam), and you can tell that the guy did everything possible to make himself look like a hero in the story. I'm not saying that surviving in a Viet Cong prison camp was easy; it just wasn't very interesting in this case. Steve Zahn was pretty worthless as the second lead actor. I can't recommend this movie in good conscience, unless you really admire Christian Bale's method acting and want to see him drop some LB's like he did for The Machinist. 0.5 PB Jar

Batman Begins - After seeing the 6-minute prologue for The Dark Knight during the I Am Legend IMAX previews, I was pumped to re-watch Begins. It's even more enjoyable the second time around. I still think the movie is a little on the long side, but otherwise it's a flawless comic book adaptation. Not that I'm going to miss Katie Holmes, who bows out of the series in favor of Maggie Gyllenhall in Dark Knight. 3 PB Jars

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - I endeavored to watch it straight through during Christmas week, but it proved impossible to find a 10-hour block of uninterrupted time. Nevertheless, I'd highly recommend watching the three movies on back-to-back-to-back days. They really do play like three chapters of one giant movie. Having never read the Tolkien books, I understood the story and characters much better this time around. And as epic trilogies go, LOTR rivals The Godfather and Star Wars - and in my opinion, surpasses them both. 3 PB Jars

AVP-R = All Very Predictable-Regrettably

Anyone who knows me knows how much I wanted to love Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. I didn't have great expectations when it comes to dialogue or acting. I just wanted to see some crazy alien-on-alien violence, with unwitting humans caught in the crossfire.

Unfortunately, the poor dialogue/acting steal more screen time than the P vs. A grudge match. With a cast of TV second-fiddles, I shouldn't have been surprised; Steven Pasquale (aka Sean Garrity on "Rescue Me"), Reiko Aylesworth (aka Michelle Dessler on "24"), and Johnny Lewis (aka Marissa's surfer friend Chili on "The OC") round out the list of D-list "headliners". I don't think these are horrible actors in their respective shows, but this screenplay certainly did them no favors.

The action sequences, though decent, were not much more intense than the fight/death scenes in the first AVP. The producers ratcheted up the MPAA rating without a proportional ratcheting up of the action and violence.

What does AVP:R have going for it?

1. A good premise. Even if the execution was less than stellar, the movie's storyline was intriguing. AVP:R picks up immediately after the previous film, opens with a bang, and makes the Predator a more interesting character. As the directors have revealed in interviews, the Predator of AVP:R is loosely based on Harvey Keitel's "Wolf" character in Pulp Fiction. He's a cleaner, sent to mop up a disgusting mess, and he's damn good at his job. The humans in this film are in the mold of the hapless Quentin Tarantino character. Knowing the cinematic inspiration for the Predator's character made watching the movie at least slightly mentally stimulating.

2. A tip of the hat (in fact, several) to the fans.
The new movie certainly honors its roots, while taking some steps to extend the AVP mythology. We get a look at the Predator home planet when the "Wolf" Predator takes off on his mission. We are introduced to the newest Alien form, the Predator-like "Predalien", and we soon discover that it has a unique method of procreation. In terms of story, the writer-directors unabashedly combine the plots of the original Predator and Aliens movies, as illustrated by their frequent homages to the previous films: "Hold on!" (as Aylesworth's Ripley-inspired character prepares to accelerate the military vehicle), "Get to the chopper!", etc. Seeing scrawny Steven Pasquale utter this line while trying to channel his inner Arnold Schwarzenegger was (unintentionally) hilarious.

Here are several things that still confuse me about AVP:R (don't worry - these aren't spoilers):

1. Is it just me, or does fandango.com list this movie as "Alien [singular] vs. Predator: Requiem"? The opening title of the film most definitely reads "AlienS", and the movie's website confirms that this is the correct title. Seems strange that no one corrected fandango. Did no one notice? Did no one care...?

2. Wasn't Shareeka Epps supposed to be in this movie? She was listed AVP:R's imdb page within a month of the movie's opening. I was hoping the young co-star of Half Nelson would bring a little credibility to this film. Not so much...

3. (Ok, this one could be a SPOILER, but I won't be too specific) Why are the deaths in this movie so freaking random? It seems like the two directors ("the Brothers Strause", as they tout themselves in the credits) just sort of had fun randomly killing off characters, often without much fanfare. The trailer definitely gave away some of the flashier deaths. This could be one reason I left this movie feeling unfulfilled. But honestly, if they were going to put all of the great parts in the trailer, then why did I have to pay $10 for this in the first place?

Aliens vs. Predator: Reqiuem, 1.5 PB Jars

Quick Hits

Movie of the Week: I Am Legend
Definitely a solid entry in the post-apocalyptic zombie genre. The marketing team did a helluva job of making this film seem like a mainstream action film akin to Independence Day. In reality, it's more like Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later (not that I'm complaining). If you're worried about the tame PG-13 rating, don't be - the action sequences are definitely intense, especially when the sounds of explosions and creature screams are booming out of IMAX speakers. 2.5 PB Jars

TV Series of the Week: Dexter
If you haven't had the privilege to see an episode of Showtime's breakout hit yet, spend your holiday weekend with America's favorite serial killer. Though Dexter Morgan is the show's narrator and obvious focal point - Miami PD blood splatter expert by day, cold-blooded vigilante by night - it's the ensemble cast (not to mention the gripping story arc) that make Dexter: Season 1 so addictive. The series has the look and feel of a movie, and like it's cinematic cousin American Psycho, the top-notch scripts include plenty of humor and satire to complement the stalking/ritual execution sequences. Don't worry - this show is actually not very gory or explicit, except when it comes occasional nudity. (It's not TV; it's Showtime.) Rent Season 1 (now on DVD) and you'll surely get hooked. If you still need a fix after finishing those 12 episodes, sign up for a month of Showtime and watch the recently-concluded Season 2 on demand. (Monday's finale proved to be another satisfying nailbiter). 3 PB Jars

Sporting Event of the Week: Chi-Town Lunchboxes vs. Stay Puft Marshallow Men
That's right - B and I are taking our rivalry from Hollywood to the (fantasy) gridiron. B's #1 Lunchboxes (13-1) square off against my #2 Marshmallow Men (10-3-1) in our fantasy football league's Super Bowl. A $70 pot and bragging rights are on the line. B's squad boasts an all-star lineup: LaDainian Tomlinson, Randy Moss, and Adrian Peterson, to name just a few. I'll need a big game from St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson tonight against the Steelers, and probably a handful of Tom Brady touchdown passes this Sunday against the Dolphins. Lunchboxes 3 PB Jars, Marshmallow Men 2.5 PB Jars + moxie

December TOTM: Predalien > Rambo

I'm not gonna lie: I'm a big fan of the unofficial Rambo trailer. However, since we're on the subject of unusually gory movie previews, I humbly submit the "red band trailer" (for restricted audiences only) for Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (coming 12/25/07):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaqldqBKCZU

It looks like the Alien/Predator series is returning to its hardcore, R-rated action roots. (AVP was a disappointing PG-13.) If the trailer is any indication, this will surely be the best installment since James Cameron's Aliens and the original Predator. Can't wait to see the hybrid "Predalien" do some serious damage in Middle America.

I also love the second trailer that was released for AVP:R. If I had seen this in a theater, I would have guessed after the first minute that it was a preview for a sappy drama or something:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVwRKHIkeA&feature=related

December TOTM (Trailer of the Month)

December's TOTM is long overdue. I saw this promotional trailer for John Rambo (the title has since been changed to Rambo: To Hell and Back or simply, Rambo) during the summer when it was released for a few days on a fan site. This is not the official trailer, but rather an R-rated collection of promotional footage for fans of the Rambo series. Six months later I have rediscovered the footage on the following website: http://www.movieweb.com/video/V07E5qruBCFHRX.

Please note, this trailer is seriously "R-rated" and not for the squeamish. The final 90 seconds feature a beheading, a gutting, numerous dismemberments from gunfire, and, my personal favorite over-the-top moment, Rambo ripping someone's throat out with his bare hand.

Additional trailers for Rambo are available on the official website: http://movies.break.com/rambo/

If this trailer is any indication, I don't believe that the fourth installment in the Rambo series will make much effort at plot or character development, but rather endeavor to be ridiculously over-the-top, badass, blood-flowing entertainment. That approach works for me, since it brings me back to the guilty-pleasure cheesiness of most 80s action movies, particularly any movie starring Stallone or Schwarzenegger. It is also pretty clear that Stallone will never recapture whatever dramatic inspiration led to the quality scripts for Rocky and First Blood, so why mess around? Rambo looks to be Stallone doing what Stallone does best - running through the woods like a 'roided up freak of nature, spilling blood, leaving body parts in his wake, and capping it off with choice, unintentionally humorous dialogue. What's not to like?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Can Act - Who Knew?

Who would have thought that Tommy from "3rd Rock from the Sun" would have real acting chops? Few young teen TV actors have been able to make the jump to the big screen successfully. Notable failures have included Gordon-Levitt’s mid-90s family sitcom counterparts, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Zachery Ty Bryan of "Home Improvement." With surprisingly impressive showings in this year’s The Lookout and 2005’s Brick, Gordon-Levitt has proved that he may have what it takes to stick around in Tinsel Town, get his name to the top of a few billboards, and maybe even take home a golden statuette in a few years. With one or two more solid outings, he may even become nickname worthy, because let’s face it, writing out “Gordon-Levitt” a bunch of times is a pain in the ass. I vote for G-Lev.

The Lookout – 2 PB Jars

The Lookout came and went without much fanfare in early spring of this year. I added it to my Blockbuster queue after I read an article talking about how The Lookout’s script, penned by Get Shorty, Out of Sight and Minority Report scribe Scott Frank, had been considered one of the best unproduced scripts in Hollywood over the past few years. Directed as well as written by Frank, The Lookout is a witty, engaging, and well-paced bank heist caper. The real highlights are the acting performances delivered by G-Lev as Chris Pratt, a disabled youth who has trouble processing sequential memories, and Jeff Daniels as Lewis, his blind, wisecracking roommate. Matthew Goode is serviceable as the bad guy (and a far cry from his prior prim and proper role in Match Point). Isla Fisher, of Wedding Crashers fame, is hot but largely forgettable as a femme fatale who is also one of the films few loose ends. The plot follows Chris as he copes with his disability by falling in with a group of thugs planning to rob the bank that Chris works at (imagine Memento combined with The Score). The heist goes haywire and Chris is in the middle of the action. Not quite Memento, but The Lookout is certainly worth a rental.

Brick – 3 PB Jars

After being pleasantly surprised by The Lookout, I checked out 2005’s Brick and was impressed to find that G-Lev’s performance was not a fluke. In fact, Brick was one of the most original and engaging films I have seen all year - I can’t believe I missed it two years ago. Brick takes a classic film noir plot, complete with gangsters, detectives, and femme fatales, and sets it in a suburban high school. The characters have names like Brain, Pin and Tug, and the dialogue is straight out of a 1930’s James Cagney flick. G-Lev is Brick’s protagonist and plays the hard-boiled detective trying to locate his ex-girlfriend after receiving a mysterious phone call from her. The most enjoyable part of watching this film was seeing the various plot twists unfold, so I won’t give anything away – just be sure to check it out on DVD, you won’t regret it.