The Best of Stephen King Films

Let me start off by saying The Mist is not on my list. Despite the previous successes of the Stephen King-Frank Durabont partnership (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile), the most recent collaboration falls completely flat for several reasons.

First off, the dialogue sucks. Whereas Shawshank is defined by the moving conversations between Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman, The Mist is undermined by its characters' idiotic utterances. Unfortunately this is hardly atypical of recent Stephen King novels and film adaptations, most notably The Cell and the film version of Dreamcatcher. He may be the king of Horror, but King could use a refresher on writing believable dialogue.

The Mist not only fails to sell its characters (whether via belieavable dialogue or otherwise), it also fails to terrify the audience. Besides a few cheap scare tactics (e.g., creature suddenly smacks against window, tentacle suddenly pulls man into the fog), this movie lacks the haunting atmosphere and authentic monsters of King's older works. A fog machine and some giant plastic bugs hardly qualify as the stuff of horror gold anymore (if ever). Where is the haunted hotel? The eery corn field? The resurrected scapel-wielding baby?

Finally, The Mist offers one of the most half-assed explanations ever provided in a sci-fi/horror movie. I won't spoil it in case anyone is actually considering renting this movie, but let's just say the explanation is both laughable and completely out of left field. The ridiculous sci-fi underpinnings of this movie also do little to explain the rather shocking ending.

I wouldn't say The Mist is the worst Stephen King film adaptation ever, but it's lucky to get 1 PB Jar from me. In contrast, here are eight Stephen King gems (plus a few I haven't seen which would probably crack the top five):

8. The Stand (1994) - A campy and hugely entertaining apocalyptic mini-series epic packed with a surprising number of big-name actors (Gary Sinise, Rob Lowe, Molly Ringwald, Ruby Dee, et al.).

7. Secret Window (2004) - One of Johnny Depp's most underrated roles (as a deranged writer loosely based on King himself).

6. Stand By Me (1986) - Best scene: pie-eating contest turned projectile-vomiting fest.

5. Children of the Corn (1984) - This is why I refuse to live in Nebraska.

4. The Running Man (1987) - American Gladiator...in the future...to the death...with Arnold on the run, of course.

3. Pet Sematary (1989) - I'd argue it's the scariest of the King adaptations.

2. Misery (1990) - Kathy Bates plays a scary-ass bitch.

1. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) - Inarguably one of the greatest films of all time.

On My "To View" List: The Shining (1980), Carrie (1976), The Green Mile (1999)

In Theaters: U2 3D

I'm not sure if it was even better than the real thing, but this abridged U2 concert will definitely thrill fans and non-fans alike. Shot at an Argentinean soccer stadium packed with what looks like 80,000 people, the film provides a unique view of U2's most recent concert set. From the top-down camera angle on Larry Mullen's glimmering drums to the camera-in-his-face Bono solos, U2 3D surpasses any music video I've seen before. While the 3D experience simply cannot replicate the feeling of being there firsthand (as I was for the U2 "Elevation Tour" at the Boston FleetCenter in '01), just think about all the upsides: no waiting in bathroom lines, no beers spilled on your head, etc.

Probably the most confusing part of the U2 3D experience: am I supposed to sing along? to applaud? I watched the film at the Liberty Science Center in Jersey City, NJ with about 100-150 people, and it seemed that the consensus was: applause = okay, singing = frowned upon. Ditto for standing up (which, thankfully, only a few people on the aisles ended up doing). There was one guy in the row behind me who decided to add an off-key harmony to "With or Without You"; needless to say, I gave him the Seinfeldian quarter-, half-, and three-quarter head turns...but to no avail. It was the last song of the show, so I decided to let William Hung have his moment while I enjoyed the final 3D images of this amazing concert.

U2 3D: 2.5 PB Jars

Dead Alien Baby Countdown: Update #2

The X-Files: The Complete First Season, Disc 2 (Episodes 5-8)

So I’m only on the second disc of Season 1 and I’m already falling behind my Marathon Schedule. Nevertheless, here’s an abbreviated rundown of the episodes, including the first episode I ever watched (way back in September 1993):

5. The Jersey Devil [standalone episode]: In a later season, Chris Carter did a black-and-white X-Files episode inspired by the Frankenstein story, but he first introduces the theme of the misunderstood monster here. Unfortunately, it’s hard to become emotionally invested in an episode about a female bigfoot that scavenges from Atlantic City garbage cans. Nonetheless, I find all of these early episodes at least mildly enjoyable – especially for their focus on the emerging Mulder-Scully relationship. 1.5 PB Jars

6. Shadows [standalone episode]: This is the first of many X-Files involving psychokinesis (moving things with your mind), and it’s a mildly interesting episode. Nothing to write home about. 1.5 PB Jars

7. Ghost in the Machine [standalone episode]: When an artificially-intelligent computer takes control of a building and begins killing visitors, Mulder must harness his inner John Connor. It’s a kitschy episode by today’s technological standards, but it’s a bit of a personal favorite. 2.0 PB Jars

8. Ice [standalone episode]: After seeing several commercials for “The X-Files”, I finally decided to check out a live episode on the night of November 5th, 1993. I was not disappointed (obviously). “Ice” ranks as a fan favorite on many websites, probably because of its claustrophobic setting (an isolated geological lab in Alaska), its intriguing monster (an alien parasite that increases the aggression of its host), and its atmosphere of paranoia. With everyone at risk of infection, Mulder and Scully even end up holding each other at gunpoint! Along with “Squeeze” (Ep. 4), “Ice” set the bar for future Monster-Of-The-Week eps. 3.0 PB Jars

Dead Alien Baby Tally

So I made the mistake of not keeping track of the “Dead Alien Baby Tally” on paper, and at this point it seems like more trouble than it’s worth to go back and re-watch the first 8 eps. Suffice it to say that Mulder eats his fair share of sunflower seeds during the course of the series. But rather than kill the Dead Alien Baby Tally all together, let’s reduce it to three interesting and easy-to-track categories:

Star Sightings: 3

Seth Green as a UFO freak [Ep. 2]; Felicity Huffman & Xander Berkeley as scientists trapped in the Arctic with extraterrestrial worms [Ep. 8]

Monsters Of The Week: 4

liver-eating mutant [Ep. 3]; female bigfoot [Ep. 5]; self-aware computer [Ep. 7]; extraterrestrial Arctic parasites [Ep. 8]

Dead Alien Babies: 0

Breaking News

Currently the 3rd most-viewed story on CNN.com:

'X-Files' creator spills some details about film
updated 2 hours, 41 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- The truth about "The X-Files" sequel -- some of it, anyway -- is now out there.

"X-Files" creator Chris Carter, writer Frank Spotnitz and other crew members gathered Wednesday to discuss the TV series -- and declassify some information about the upcoming film.

The popular Fox paranormal drama, which aired from 1993 to 2002, starred David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson as FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.

"While this is not a mythology movie, it's true to everything that's come before," Spotnitz said at the William S. Paley Television Festival. "It's true to Mulder and Scully, who they are and where they would be this point in their lives and all of the experiences that they've had."

The series first made the leap to the big screen with 1998's "The X-Files: Fight the Future." Plans for another film were grounded in 2005 when Carter sued Fox over syndication profits for the show. The lawsuit was later settled.

Carter, who also directs the new movie, said it takes place in the present and uses a story envisioned when the series ended. While the show's sprawling alien mythology isn't part of the plot, Carter said there is a reference to Scully's seemingly supernatural son, William, who was born in season eight and later given up for adoption.

The film is due out July 25.

Carter was tightlipped about the title.

"I can't tell you," he said. "I know what I want it to be, but Fox has some ideas of their own."

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/03/27/people.chriscarter.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Dead Alien Baby Countdown: Update #1

The X-Files: The Complete First Season, Disc 1 (Episodes 1-4)

Though I plan to keep my weekly updates short and sweet, it seemed worthwhile to provide some additional context at the start of this four month, 202 episode DVD marathon leading up to the July 25th theatrical premiere of The X-Files 2:

The Pilot

When "The X-Files" premiered on September 10, 1993, few people predicted it would survive for more than one season -- let alone become an Emmy award-winning series that would eclipse the 200-episode mark. The show, which lacked any big-name actors, was sequestered to a horrible television night (Friday) on a fledgling network. (Unlike today's "American Idol"-fueled behemoth, FOX was a second-rate net at that time, best known for "Beverly Hills, 90210", "Married With Children", and "COPS".)

Like most X-Files viewers, I didn't catch the original airing of the pilot episode, nor did I see any of next 6 episodes until they re-ran during the following summer. Ahh...the days of summer re-runs, long before reality programming overtook the broadcast nets from June through August. Re-watching "Pilot" over the weekend, I realized that the first episode does a remarkable job of selling its protagonists. We first meet Dr. Dana Scully, the medical doctor turned FBI agent who is tasked to debunk Mulder's theories related to supposedly "unexplainable" cases (x-files). Scully serves as the voice of reason and science in the pilot and throughout the first several seasons of the show. She is the television forbear of Dr. Jack Shephard on "Lost".

In "Pilot", Scully ventures into the basement offices of the FBI Building to introduce herself (and us) to her philosophical foil: Fox Mulder. Scully knows his bio by heart - Oxford-educated, renowned for his spot-on profiles of serial killers, and known as "Spooky" in FBI circles for his penchant for paranormal explanations. To continue the "Lost" analogy, Mulder is the John Locke of the show; he makes leaps of faith that often lead him into trouble, even when he does turn out to be right.

The pilot episode establishes the template for many future episodes: Scully comes into Mulder's office, Mulder asks her if she's familiar with a strange case he's been reading, Mulder treats Scully to an evidentiary slideshow, and Scully reluctantly agrees to accompany Mulder on the investigation. More importantly, the pilot immediately sets the perfect tone for the Mulder-Scully relationship, inarguably the heart and soul of the show. As we watch them set off for Oregon on a mission to solve the mystery of four teen deaths near a UFO hotbed, we can't help but wonder whether and how this partnership of polar opposites will develop. Pilot: 3 PB Jars

The Episodes: Mythology or Monster-Of-The-Week?

Unlike today's TV dramas, which typically fall into either the standalone category ("CSI", "Law & Order") or the serial category ("24", "Lost"), "The X-Files" was a hybrid of the two. The first two episodes, "Pilot" and "Deep Throat", set up the overarching mythology (a conspiracy between G-men and little green men). This mythology is presented serially, but often with two, three, or more non-related episodes in between.

The third and fourth episodes, in contrast, typify the standalone episodes that provided some of the show's scariest, funniest, and most memorable moments. In my mind, "Squeeze" (episode 3) still ranks as one of the best "Monster-Of-The-Week" stories of the series. In this episode, Mulder and Scully track down a serial killer able to squeeze through narrow openings in order to attack his prey. The killer is, of course, a genetic mutant who awakens every 30 years to hunt for the five human livers needed to fuel his next hibernation. Definitely an amazing episode that was a pleasure to re-watch. "Conduit" (episode 4), the story of a family torn apart by an alleged alien abduction, doesn't have as much standalone value but does provide an emotional touchstone for Mulder (who believes his sister was abducted when they were kids) throughout the rest of the season. Deep Throat: 2.5 PB Jars, Squeeze: 3 PB Jars, Conduit: 1.5 PB Jars

Dead Alien Baby Tally

As I plow through all 202 episodes, I'll keep a running tally of defining X-Files plot points, from dead alien babies to David Duchovny sports references.

Episodes 1-4 of 202:

References to Mulder's nickname "Spooky": 2
Mulder slideshows: 2
Mulder eats sunflower seeds: 1
References to Scully's crucifix necklace: 1
Monsters who almost kill Scully: 1
UFO sightings: 1
Dead alien babies: 0

Trailer of the Month: The X-Files 2

Thanks to this teaser trailer from the recent WonderCon convention, the truth about the long-awaited new X-Files movie is out there: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMgJmjAxMSE

Here's a quick XF2 FAQ:

• When will the movie be released? July 25, 2008.


• What's it about? XF2 will be a standalone story, similar to the "Monster Of The Week" episodes that were among the most popular of the TV series. Based on the trailer, it looks like the plot may revolve around an FBI manhunt led by a psychic (Billy Connelly). The tentative title, "Done One", provides few clues, and I'm guesssing FOX will find a more marketable title down the line.


• Are David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson both back? Yes. And they'll be directed by series creator Chris Carter, who resolved his beef with Fox over syndication royalties last year. Carter also co-wrote the screenplay along with series veteran Frank Spotnitz.
  
• Will the movie have any appeal to non-fans? FOX is banking on it. The film was written to appeal to a mass audience, rather than exclusively to the show's cult following. It's worth repeating that, as a standalone story, XF2 is not a sequel to the 1998 film. The new movie promises to combine action, suspense, and horror in a police procedural format. Whereas X-Files: Fight The Future centered on the show's overarching alien abduction/government conspiracy mythology, the new movie will not require prior knowledge about the series -- other than the fact that Mulder and Scully are FBI agents known for kicking paranormal ass.
  
• So where does XF2 fit in the X-Files timeline? The story is set a number of years after the series finale, which aired in May 2002. It's unclear how the Mulder-Scully relationship will be portrayed, but my guess is we'll be treated to our favorite dish: a hearty portion of platonic repartee, with a side of underlying sexual tension.


• Who will round out the cast? The teaser trailer provides a few glimpses of supporting actors: Billy Connelly, Amanda Peet, and Xzibit (?). Uh...I'm not gonna lie: this last casting choice makes me a little nervous. Let's just say that I've had my sequel hopes dashed by so-called "rapper actors" in the past. (See: LL Cool J in Halloween: H20, Busta Rymes in Halloween: Resurrection.)

Even as a loyal fan of the series, I have to admit I feel a bit disconnected from the trials and tribulations of Mulder and Scully. It's been nearly 6 years since the final episode and 10 years since the previous film. To remedy this, I have decided to embark on a 202-episode X-Files marathon over the next 4 months in the lead-up to XF2. I'll be providing regular updates, along with some episode highlights for those who are new to the series or are feeling a bit rusty. I have dubbed this effort...

The Dead Alien Baby Countdown to The X-Files 2

03/21. Start Season 1 on DVD
04/04. Finish Season 1
04/18. Finish Season 2
05/02. Finish Season 3
05/16. Finish Season 4
05/30. Finish Season 5 + The X-Files movie
06/13. Finish Season 6
06/27. Finish Season 7
07/11. Finish Season 8
07/25. Finish Season 9 + see The X-Files 2

18 weeks; 202 episodes + 2 movies; 155 hours.

No celluloid love for St. Pat?

Food for thought - Does a good St. Patrick's Day movie exist?

I'm not talking about The Fugitive or similar films that maybe shot a scene or two around St. Patty's events, and I'm certainly not considering the innumerable Leprechaun slasher flicks, which probably surpass even Hostel 2 on the "embarrassment to film making" scale. What I want to see is a quality film themed around St. Patrick's Day. Halloween, Christmas, the 4th of July, Easter, and Thanksgiving all get the silver screen treatment. Why not St. Patrick's Day? Am I missing one?

The Best Movies of 2007: Part II (The Real Best Movies)

I’m going to make a bold statement and say that 2007 was the best year for movies of this new century. While Oscar viewership may have been down, this year’s crop of Best Picture nominees were a cut above (In my opinion, the best since 1994 when Forrest Gump faced off against Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show, and Four Weddings and a Funeral).

Sadly, the most surprising part of my top 10 list will be how much similarity it bears to P’s picks. I shudder to think that 60% of my favorite 10 films of 2007 can also be found sharing space with Hostel 2 on Peanut’s slightly misguided list.

Starting off with some great flicks that didn’t quite break the top 10 but certainly deserve a rental:

The Namesake – Can you imagine Van Wilder’s Taj or Harold and Kumar’s Kumar holding down a heavy role in a serious drama? I couldn’t, but The Namesake proved me wrong. Kal Penn is surprisingly excellent in a dramatic turn as Gogol, the son of Indian immigrants seeking to preserve their culture and traditions while assimilating into life in America. The rest of the cast is terrific as well, particularly Irfan Khan as Gogol’s father.

Waitress – A film as delicious as the pies Keri Russell’s main character bakes. Funny and heartwarming, with enough weight to make it stick, Waitress is supremely enjoyable. Plus, a friend of P’s and mine worked as a production assistant on this flick, so show him some love.

My 10 through 6 can all be found on P’s list, but here are some additional thoughts:

10. American Gangster – Who was better, Denzel or Russell? Debate.

9. No Country For Old Men – Loved Stephen Root’s bit part. Made me wonder what would happen if Office Space’s Milton confronted Anton Chigurh over a Swingline stapler.

8. Bourne Ultimatum – The best blockbuster of the year surely deserves a spot on any top 10 list.

7. Michael Clayton –Clooney, Swinton, and Wilkinson all deliver pitch perfect performances in one of the more intelligent lawyer films to be made in a while.

6. Superbad – Funniest movie of the year. Break yoself foo!

Now for the really good stuff:

5. Once – If you haven’t discovered this Irish gem, go out and rent it tonight. It is a modern musical of sorts, but don’t worry, the characters don’t break into song for no reason. Plus, with real musicians playing the lead roles, this is as authentic as a musical gets. The best song in the film, “Falling Slowly,” won this year’s Best Song Oscar, and is hauntingly addictive. I’ve been listening to it daily since I saw the film over a month ago.

4. Juno – Hilarious and original. I’m surprised Juno didn’t make it on to P’s list, but then again P picked Hostel 2. He clearly has some issues. On a side note – was anyone else eerily transfixed on the ridiculously high slit of Diablo Cody’s Oscar dress as she made her way onstage to accept her Juno Screenplay award? That was one wardrobe malfunction I was not particularly looking forward to.

3. Ratatouille – Best animated movie of the Pixar age. That’s right, Ratatouille was better than Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc., The Incredibles, Cars, and even Finding Nemo.

2. There Will Be Blood – Wow. Amazing. P and B’s consensus pick for Movie of the Year. But, not quite as amazing as B’s individual pick for Movie of the Year…

1. The Lives of Others – The Lives of Others was the best movie I have seen in many years. The story, which revolves around an East German secret police officer spying on and then becoming wrapped up in the lives of a playwright and his girlfriend, is captivating. The acting is spot on. The ending packs a huge punch. All around, this was a perfect film. It deservingly won last year’s Best Foreign Film Oscar, but it was released in the U.S. last spring. Since it is in German, be prepared for subtitles, but frankly, you’ll hardly notice them once the story gets going.

The Best & Worst Movies of 2007: Part I

Last year, we kicked off the PB & Movies blog with inaugural posts that featured our "Best of '06" lists. Although we didn't plan it this way, our lists had virtually no overlap - and consequently sparked a great deal of debate, name-calling, and tears (on B's part).

This year I predict there will be more P/B agreement. The main reason: I actually saw--and liked--all of the Best Picture nominees this year, whereas the previous year I only saw two (The Departed and Little Miss Sunshine, neither of which made my '06 list). Sure, it meant forsaking a few slasher flicks that had been on my to-do list. But have no fear: I'll still get around to watching Saw IV, Grindhouse, and The Mist someday soon. In the meantime, here is my list of the 10 movies that made 2007 a year to remember -- plus 5 movies that sucked.


The Best Movies of '07

10. Hostel 2 - Okay, it's not like I didn't see any horror movies this year.
9. Superbad - I make it a rule (well, maybe more of a guideline) not to waste money on seeing comedies in the theater. But my $11 was well spent on the latest hilarious entry in the Apatow ouevre.
8. Bourne Ultimatum - Second-best action movie of the year, and a great culmnation to the Bourne series.
7. Shoot 'Em Up - Best action movie of the year, bar none. Arguably one of the funniest movies, too, from Clive Owen's carrot munching to the sex-scene shootout. A brilliantly "bad" B movie.
6. Eastern Promises - Not sure if it's superior to A History of Violence, but the David Cronenberg-Viggo Mortensen tag team proves to be a winning one yet again.
5. Atonement - The first part of the movie, set on a bucolic English estate, hinges on an interesting development that I didn't see coming. The second part uses World War II as both a backdrop and a metaphor for the dissolution of hopes, dreams, and relationships. The satisfying coda brings it all together - a great film.
4. American Gangster - Did anyone notice that the last time Denzel and Russell faced off was in the 1995 sci-fi flick Virtuosity? Well, I did. I liked both, but this was better.
3. Michael Clayton - Michael Clayton's confrontation with Tilda Swinton's immoral lawyer reminded me of Dr. Doug Ross's confrontations with Laura Innes' Dr. Weaver. Yes, I am a diehard "ER" fan (still), and yes, I do have man-love for George Clooney.
2. No Country for Old Men - Anyone who thinks the horror genre suck should be reminded that this film is, at heart, a horror/suspense movie. I dare you not to have sweaty palms when you watch this movie.
1. There Will Be Blood - The last movie I saw before Oscar Night, and still the Best Picture in my eyes.


Honorable Mentions:

Knocked Up - I couldn't put two Apatow comedies in my Top 10, but Knocked Up was a close second to Superbad in the comedy department this year.
Dan in Real Life - Steve Carrell is so talented, he can even make a movie starring Dane Cook funny. I saw this on an airplane expecting a standard RomCom, but it was actually a lot deeper and sadder. Not a pick-me-up movie for sure, but I really enjoyed it nonetheless.


The Worst Movies of '07

5. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem - Despite some decent action sequences, this movie fell flat because the acting was too awful for words (and the words in the screenplay had no hope of saving the actors). Fans of the series should see it anyway, but the disappointment factor was enough to convince me that AVP-R was one of the year's worst.
4. The Number 23 - If you want a good story about magical numbers, watch "Lost". Jim Carrey is batting about 0.167 right now in non-comedies.
3. Closure (UK: Straightheads) - Dubbed "one of the best movies of 2007" by England's "The Times", this film left me scratching my head. The promise of "copious foot-age of Gillian Anderson’s naked breasts" may have been enough for the critics across the pond, but even an unabashed X-Phile like myself found nothing redeeming in what the DVD description portrayed as "Deliverance meets Kill Bill". That comparison should have tipped me off right there.
2. The Hills Have Eyes 2 - I was deeply disturbed and entertained by the first movie, while the sequel evoked neither emotion. Maybe this film could have been more than Blockbuster shelf filler if Emilie de Ravin (Clare of "Lost") had reprised her role and (as was initially hinted) put an Ellen Ripley spin on it. Oh well.
1. Rescue Dawn - Biggest disappointment of '07. Christian Bale boasts an awful German accent. Steve Zahn fails to convince anyone (including his castmates) that he can be a convincing dramatic actor. The Vietnam War genre is a tired one by now, and Rescue Dawn does nothing to reinvent it. This movie was boring, predictable, and practically unwatchable. Worst. Bale movie. Ever.

Dishonorable Mention:

Spider-Man 3 - Definitely one of the most disappointing movies of the year, especially given my high praise for Spidey 2. Overall it was just mediocre and doesn't crack my Worsts list, but c'mon - it cost $200m t0 make this?

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UP NEXT: B's take on the Best and Worst of the year that was...