Alright Peanut, I think I’ve finally calmed down enough to rip into your selections like a rational being.
First, why “Best Movie Experiences”? That seems like some sort of cop-out… like deep down you really agreed 100% with everything I said, so you figured, well, I’ll give this thing a different name and then I’ll feel ok about making ridiculous claims.
Second, as the saying goes, there are lies, damned lies, and statistics. An Inconvenient Truth makes good use of the first two, but poor use of the third. Where in Al’s powerpoint are the statistics that disprove global warming? Oh, he ignored those? Those numbers didn’t support his “plot”? That’s too bad; it might have made this one-sided propaganda-fest a bit more engaging. I’m not trying to take sides on this debate. Global warming is a valid concern that deserves some attention. But, it pisses me off when self-righteous politicos spin their story like they have all the facts without addressing the pieces of contradictory evidence out there.
Third, Superman Returns was lame. Superman is lame. Batman could kick Superman’s ass. He’d probably have some kryptonite gizmo in his gizmo belt that would bring almighty Superman to his knees, begging for Jor-El. Then Superman would confess that he tried to save Batman’s parents from their grisly death way back when, but wussed out because he didn’t feel comfortable prancing about dark, dirty Gotham in his flaming red codpiece and perfectly coiffed hair. Batman would get worked up into a rage over this confession and smother Superman in his own cape. Shortly thereafter, Gotham would take over Metropolis and the world would fall into anarchy… but at least we would have to see Superman’s smarmy mug anymore. Ok, that might be a bit much but, seriously, the best part of this movie was Brando’s voice-over.
Forth, Borat was way overrated. Both Little Miss Sunshine and Borat were way overhyped for me, with neither film living up. But while I found Little Miss Sunshine to be a good movie, worthy even of an 06 honorable mention, Borat fell much farther off the mark. I wanted to like Borat, I really did. Borat was, in my opinion, the only redeeming quality of the Ali G show. If Cohen had given our College Commencement Class Day speech as Borat, it might have actually have elicited more laughs than blank stares and groans. It bothered me that every scene was so self-consciously set up. None of it seemed spontaneous to me. Was it really surprising and humorous that redneck hicks responded at the rodeo the way they did? Of course feminist baby boomers are going to say what they said. Of course a bunch of college frat boys on spring break will be disgusting jackasses. I struggled with whether Cohen was trying to make a statement about America’s shortcomings (of which there are plenty) or trying to be funny. Likely both, which is why, for me, he succeeded at neither. Plus, tell me you actually thought that naked scene in the hotel was funny. It was gross, uncomfortable, absurd, obscene, ridiculous, silly, annoying, too long, repulsive, stupid, shocking, and many other adjectives, but it wasn’t funny.
Fifth, and finally, the Descent? Do I even have to dignify that with a response? I guess I wasn't too far off when I predicted Black Xmas making your top 5. Are you really contending that this movie is more than a gore-fest, slasher with mutants in a cave flick? I admit, I haven’t seen it… the trailers, reviews, and peer advice just weren’t enough to get me to break my “no crappy, senseless horror flicks unless they are in the Saw series” rule. In fact, they still aren’t. I refuse to see this movie. I refuse to allow my intelligence and nerves to be subjected to such blatant manipulation and retardation for two hours. “Filmmaking craft” my ass, more like filmmaking crap! Now, put Borat in that cave with those women and the mutants and there's a movie I'd like to see!
On the flip side, I’ll give you props for reminding me about Half Nelson. That film certainly should have made my honorable mentions, possibly even my top 5. I’ll have to remember that when I re-evaluate my post after seeing Babel, Pan’s Labyrinth and Volver. I will, however, disagree with your “light-on-plot” claim. Just because a movie doesn’t have a formulaic beginning, middle and end, with demonstrable progress throughout, doesn’t mean that there is no plot. The plot here is real life – people often have shitty lives, do shitty things, take two steps forward and one step back, or, probably more often, one step forward and two steps back. The fact that Dan and Drey can have this relationship where they have a positive impact on each others lives, despite both of their obstacles, brings hope to an otherwise dreary existence.
Alright, I'll get off my soapbox now. Time to look forward to new movies, reviews and debates. In the next week or two, I'm hoping to post on Spiderman 3, Hot Fuzz, Babel, Volver, The Good Shepherd and Rocky Balboa. Stay tuned.
Another highlight for me was seeing this film with a fantastic audience. I don’t know if everyone was drunk, overly caffeinated, or both, but they certainly were fired up. There was clapping as the film started (none when it stopped though!) and lots of comments throughout. When Mary Jane kissed Harry, some rowdy male in the back row yelled out “slut!”, resulting in uproarious laughter and discomfort… quite possibly the highlight of the movie for me. Such outbursts usually take away from the overall enjoyment of a film. Sadly, in this case, the outbursts and laughter were welcome distractions, filling the void left by a mediocre, utterly disappointing Spider-Man 3.
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