Quick Hits

Movie of the Week: I Am Legend
Definitely a solid entry in the post-apocalyptic zombie genre. The marketing team did a helluva job of making this film seem like a mainstream action film akin to Independence Day. In reality, it's more like Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later (not that I'm complaining). If you're worried about the tame PG-13 rating, don't be - the action sequences are definitely intense, especially when the sounds of explosions and creature screams are booming out of IMAX speakers. 2.5 PB Jars

TV Series of the Week: Dexter
If you haven't had the privilege to see an episode of Showtime's breakout hit yet, spend your holiday weekend with America's favorite serial killer. Though Dexter Morgan is the show's narrator and obvious focal point - Miami PD blood splatter expert by day, cold-blooded vigilante by night - it's the ensemble cast (not to mention the gripping story arc) that make Dexter: Season 1 so addictive. The series has the look and feel of a movie, and like it's cinematic cousin American Psycho, the top-notch scripts include plenty of humor and satire to complement the stalking/ritual execution sequences. Don't worry - this show is actually not very gory or explicit, except when it comes occasional nudity. (It's not TV; it's Showtime.) Rent Season 1 (now on DVD) and you'll surely get hooked. If you still need a fix after finishing those 12 episodes, sign up for a month of Showtime and watch the recently-concluded Season 2 on demand. (Monday's finale proved to be another satisfying nailbiter). 3 PB Jars

Sporting Event of the Week: Chi-Town Lunchboxes vs. Stay Puft Marshallow Men
That's right - B and I are taking our rivalry from Hollywood to the (fantasy) gridiron. B's #1 Lunchboxes (13-1) square off against my #2 Marshmallow Men (10-3-1) in our fantasy football league's Super Bowl. A $70 pot and bragging rights are on the line. B's squad boasts an all-star lineup: LaDainian Tomlinson, Randy Moss, and Adrian Peterson, to name just a few. I'll need a big game from St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson tonight against the Steelers, and probably a handful of Tom Brady touchdown passes this Sunday against the Dolphins. Lunchboxes 3 PB Jars, Marshmallow Men 2.5 PB Jars + moxie

December TOTM: Predalien > Rambo

I'm not gonna lie: I'm a big fan of the unofficial Rambo trailer. However, since we're on the subject of unusually gory movie previews, I humbly submit the "red band trailer" (for restricted audiences only) for Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (coming 12/25/07):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaqldqBKCZU

It looks like the Alien/Predator series is returning to its hardcore, R-rated action roots. (AVP was a disappointing PG-13.) If the trailer is any indication, this will surely be the best installment since James Cameron's Aliens and the original Predator. Can't wait to see the hybrid "Predalien" do some serious damage in Middle America.

I also love the second trailer that was released for AVP:R. If I had seen this in a theater, I would have guessed after the first minute that it was a preview for a sappy drama or something:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVwRKHIkeA&feature=related

December TOTM (Trailer of the Month)

December's TOTM is long overdue. I saw this promotional trailer for John Rambo (the title has since been changed to Rambo: To Hell and Back or simply, Rambo) during the summer when it was released for a few days on a fan site. This is not the official trailer, but rather an R-rated collection of promotional footage for fans of the Rambo series. Six months later I have rediscovered the footage on the following website: http://www.movieweb.com/video/V07E5qruBCFHRX.

Please note, this trailer is seriously "R-rated" and not for the squeamish. The final 90 seconds feature a beheading, a gutting, numerous dismemberments from gunfire, and, my personal favorite over-the-top moment, Rambo ripping someone's throat out with his bare hand.

Additional trailers for Rambo are available on the official website: http://movies.break.com/rambo/

If this trailer is any indication, I don't believe that the fourth installment in the Rambo series will make much effort at plot or character development, but rather endeavor to be ridiculously over-the-top, badass, blood-flowing entertainment. That approach works for me, since it brings me back to the guilty-pleasure cheesiness of most 80s action movies, particularly any movie starring Stallone or Schwarzenegger. It is also pretty clear that Stallone will never recapture whatever dramatic inspiration led to the quality scripts for Rocky and First Blood, so why mess around? Rambo looks to be Stallone doing what Stallone does best - running through the woods like a 'roided up freak of nature, spilling blood, leaving body parts in his wake, and capping it off with choice, unintentionally humorous dialogue. What's not to like?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Can Act - Who Knew?

Who would have thought that Tommy from "3rd Rock from the Sun" would have real acting chops? Few young teen TV actors have been able to make the jump to the big screen successfully. Notable failures have included Gordon-Levitt’s mid-90s family sitcom counterparts, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Zachery Ty Bryan of "Home Improvement." With surprisingly impressive showings in this year’s The Lookout and 2005’s Brick, Gordon-Levitt has proved that he may have what it takes to stick around in Tinsel Town, get his name to the top of a few billboards, and maybe even take home a golden statuette in a few years. With one or two more solid outings, he may even become nickname worthy, because let’s face it, writing out “Gordon-Levitt” a bunch of times is a pain in the ass. I vote for G-Lev.

The Lookout – 2 PB Jars

The Lookout came and went without much fanfare in early spring of this year. I added it to my Blockbuster queue after I read an article talking about how The Lookout’s script, penned by Get Shorty, Out of Sight and Minority Report scribe Scott Frank, had been considered one of the best unproduced scripts in Hollywood over the past few years. Directed as well as written by Frank, The Lookout is a witty, engaging, and well-paced bank heist caper. The real highlights are the acting performances delivered by G-Lev as Chris Pratt, a disabled youth who has trouble processing sequential memories, and Jeff Daniels as Lewis, his blind, wisecracking roommate. Matthew Goode is serviceable as the bad guy (and a far cry from his prior prim and proper role in Match Point). Isla Fisher, of Wedding Crashers fame, is hot but largely forgettable as a femme fatale who is also one of the films few loose ends. The plot follows Chris as he copes with his disability by falling in with a group of thugs planning to rob the bank that Chris works at (imagine Memento combined with The Score). The heist goes haywire and Chris is in the middle of the action. Not quite Memento, but The Lookout is certainly worth a rental.

Brick – 3 PB Jars

After being pleasantly surprised by The Lookout, I checked out 2005’s Brick and was impressed to find that G-Lev’s performance was not a fluke. In fact, Brick was one of the most original and engaging films I have seen all year - I can’t believe I missed it two years ago. Brick takes a classic film noir plot, complete with gangsters, detectives, and femme fatales, and sets it in a suburban high school. The characters have names like Brain, Pin and Tug, and the dialogue is straight out of a 1930’s James Cagney flick. G-Lev is Brick’s protagonist and plays the hard-boiled detective trying to locate his ex-girlfriend after receiving a mysterious phone call from her. The most enjoyable part of watching this film was seeing the various plot twists unfold, so I won’t give anything away – just be sure to check it out on DVD, you won’t regret it.

How can a list of Bad Ass Bad Guys be complete without Tony @#$%! Montana!

The epitome of the gangster antihero, Tony "Say hello to my little friend" Montana is the quintessential Bad Ass Bad Guy. He has little regard for human life, which he demonstrates by spilling blood left and right with chainsaws, machine guns and grenade launchers. What I enjoy most about Scarface's Montana, played by Al Pacino, is that he is loud, angry and flamboyantly badass, which contrasts sharply with the relentless, mechanical violence of the Terminator, Anton Chigurh and Agent Smith. Tony Montana is more badass than anyone on your list Peanut, and I've dug up a few additional worthy contenders that give your baddies a run for their money.






Vincent (Collateral, Tom Cruise): Calm and collected balanced with beserk outbursts of violence. All this from Tom "Pretty Boy" Cruise? I was impressed. See the dance club and jazz club scenes for all the evidence of badass-ness you should need.





Castor Troy (Face/Off, Nicholas Cage & John Travolta): A villain so badass, he needs two badass actors to play him. Jumping out of a 747 with gold plated pistols firing - Badass! Murdering an entire hospital staff while his face is cut off - Badass! Sleeping with the FBI agent's wife, flirting with his daughter, and beating the crap out of his daughter's boyfriend - Badass!




Johnny Ringo (Tombstone, Michael Biehn): The ultimate western villain, he scoffs as Wyatt Earp's brother's funeral procession passes by, "Smell that, Bill? Smells like someone died."








Alonzo Harris (Training Day, Denzel Washington): Denzel needed to be on this list and his American Gangster Frank Lucas portrayal just had too many decent values. Alonzo Harris, Washington's oscar-winning role, has none.

Because no list is ever long enough, here are some Honorable Mentions:

Vincenzo Coccotti (True Romance, Chistopher Walken): Not enough screen time to fully qualify, but damn is Walken badass in the scene with Dennis Hopper.

General Hummel (The Rock, Ed Harris): Completely badass right up until the moment where his bluff is called and he fails to launch nerve gas on the city of San Francisco.

Jack Nicholson (The Joker in Batman; Col. Jessep in A Few Good Men; Frank Costello in The Departed): Jack gets an honorary "body of work" badass award for continuously entertaining us with evil characters, and for being Jack Nicholson.

Agree? Disagree? Vote for your favorite Bad Ass Bad Guy!

Badass Bad Guys

Over Thanksgiving Weekend, I had the pleasure of watching a movie that is sure to be on everyone's Best Picture radar in the coming months: No Country For Old Men (easily 3 PB Jars). Javier Bardem plays Anton Chigurh, a stone-cold killer in pursuit of a man who accidentally stumbled upon $2 million in drug money. You can't watch Bardem's performance without being reminded of another classic killer on a manhunt: The Terminator. From his emotionless expression to his unfliching gaze to his monotone repetition of questions, Bardem channels Schwarzenegger and, amazingly, makes his badass assasin even scarier.

On that note, here is my ranking of the Top 10 Bad Guy Badasses in movie history. Since "bad guy badass" is somewhat vague, let me try to define this category in more detail. The "bad guy" part is easy: everyone in my list is the primary antagonist of the film. No Snake Plisskens or John McClanes here, though they're definitely badass protagonists. As for "badass", I looked for characters without fear or remorse. The pursue their singular goal relentlessly and by any means necessary. They take a licking and keep on ticking.

I tried to avoid baddies with supernatural powers, though you'll see that a few made my list. I only drew from movies which I've seen, so I'm open to suggestions for additional nominees. When in doubt, I asked myself, "Which of these guys would I least want to meet in a dark alleyway?" Here are my results:

Top 10 Badass Bad Guys

1. The Terminator (The Terminator) - The prototype.
2. Anton Chigurh (No Country For Old Men) - Scarier than most horror movie monsters.
3. The Predator (Predator) - Engages in hand-to-hand combat with Arnold (and kicks his ass).
4. Agent Smith (The Matrix) - Badass in a business suit.
5. Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street) - His dark sense of humor elevates him above his horror movie peers.
6. Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction) - "And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee..."
7. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) - From creepy to deadly in the time it took for his captors to let down their guard. Killing accompanied by classical music is badass.
8. Riddick (Pitch Black) - Who needs firearms when you have guns.
9. Darth Vader (The Empire Strikes Back) - More of a badass before we knew that crybaby Anakin Skywalker was inside that suit.
10. Gordon Gekko (Wall Street) - Badass in a business suit, part deux. The only non-murderer in the group, but don't underestimate the brutality of a Gekko-led hostile takeover.

* * *

Recently Viewed on DVD

Live Free or Die Hard - Definitely ntertaining, but short on the twists and turns of the previous installements. I'd have to put 1, 3, and 2 (in that order) ahead of Live Free. Justin Long, you are no Zeus. (I even would have settled for Officer Carl Winslow over the Mac poster boy.) 1.5 PB Jars

Sicko - The box claimed this was "Michael Moore's funniest film yet", but I personally thought Bowling for Columbine was funnier and an overall better movie. With Bowling as my touchstone, I'd say that this documentary does a decent job of highlighting a problem in our country, but it fails to evoke as strong an emotional response (despite the sob stories of sick Americans deprived of insurance coverage). Even for a sympathetic liberal, this movie's attempt to make Canadian, European, and Cuban health care look superior to America's proves unconvincing. 1.5 PB Jars

Trailer of the Month: A Rebuttal

If you want to see a great trailer, check out the preview for the new J.J. Abrams project. (If you don't know J.J. by name, I'm sure you're familiar with some of his work: Felicity, Alias, Lost, Mission: Impossible III.)

The title of this movie has purposely been left a mystery. Right now the movie is listed as "01-18-07", the date of its release. Check it out for yourself: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/11808/

Trailer of the Month

Iron Man has officially become my 2nd most anticipated movie of 2008 (behind The Dark Knight) due entirely to its kickass trailer. Check out the trailer on Iron Man’s website (http://www.ironmanmovie.com/) or by waiting all the way through Transformers on DVD, including the credits, to be taken to a special screen with the Iron Man trailer, among other extras. I recommend going the website route.

Fantastic music, Filter’s "Hey Man, Nice Shot" followed (of course) by the classic riff of Black Sabbath’s "Iron Man," adds to Robert Downey Jr.’s delightfully snarky performance as the title character. Jon Favreau may become a respected director yet!

Free Rice!

Put your vocab knowledge to the test and donate some grains of rice to those who need it at Free Rice.

P - Consider this LSAT prep. My WHS vocab training came through and I topped out at vocab level 43 out of 50.

Highway to Hellraiser

A Halloween Quadruple Feature

Post-Halloween candy sugar rush coma got you down? Fear not, because when you have MonstersHD network and a DVR player, it's Halloween all year long. Without further a do, here's a condensed play-by-play of my recent Halloween Week marathon, featuring one of the classic baddies of American pop culture: Hellraiser's Pinhead.

• 0:00 - As I sit down to begin Clive Barker's Hellraiser (1987), I realize how strange it is that I've never experienced this horror classic. It seems like Pinhead always makes an appearance in those horror movie montages featuring Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers, but somehow he avoided my Blockbuster queue all these years. I'm watching the opening scene and it's pretty badass. Some dude is sitting on the floor, surrounded by candles and holding a black-and-gold puzzle box. Suddenly the top of the box opens, and as the dude peers inside, four chains shoot out and hook into his chest (to his obvious displeasure). Gross.

• 0:15 - The last 15 minutes were pretty much just exposition. Larry Cotton and his wife Julia move into an old house that belonged to Larry's parents. We soon find out that the gory opening scene took place in the attic of this house, and that Larry's brother Frank was the unfortunate victim. Larry's teenage daughter Kirsty drops by to check out the new pad, but there's definite tension between Kirsty and her stop mother. While the Julia explores the house, she finds some of Frank's photographs and flashes back to a sordid affair with Frank. (In the interest of time, let me skip to the good part.) Larry cuts his hand while moving a mattres and spills blood on the floor of the attic, where the remains of Frank's body lie beneath the floorboards. The fresh blood revives Frank, who goes through an icky resurrection process. I'm guessing this is one of the iconic scenes of the film, though the stop-motion SFX feela little dated now.



• 0:45 - So I'm thinking this would be a good time to start drinking heavily...not that the movie is that scary or gory...well, yes it is pretty gory. Julia's plan to resurrect Frank involves luring sketchy old dudes up to the attic of the house. Frank then takes their skin/body parts/soul (?). I'm guessing this was part of the inspiration for The Mummy (the Brendan Fraser version, of course). At this point, I decide that a couple of (six packs of) beer and some Halloween candy I nabbed from work will help to lighten this viewing experience a bit.



• 1:30 - Wow...That was a great freakin' movie. Really weird, but great. Hellraiser: 2.5 PB Jars



• 3:00 - I just finished Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), and like most horror sequels, it wasn't much more than a pale imitation of the original. I liked the fact that Julie returned as the resurrected character in this one, and at least they got Kirsty and Pinhead back for the sequel. Also, there's a sweet twist toward the end of the movie, when Pinhead and his demon associates actually do battle against another demon who wants to destroy Kirsty. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" is one of my favorite movie themes and is a staple of horror sequels (example: Blade II, when the humans and vampires unite to battle the Reapers). Downsides of Hellbound: it's pretty much the same plot as the first movie, but everything seems less menacing because it's a re-tread. Also, while the first movie (and the title itself) implies that the demons bring their victims straight to hell, the ending of Hellbound portrays Pinhead and the demons as creatures from another universe, "the Labyrinth." I'm hoping they'll ditch this plot point in the sequels to come. Hellbound: 1.5 PB Jars



• 3:39 - Yo, I'm less than halfway through Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), but I can already tell it's going to suck. This is definitely the Jaws III of this franchise: different setting than the first two movies, different main character, and the movie shows too damn much of the monster. The longer the monster is on screen, the less scary it is. In just the first 40 minutes, Pinhead has already matched his total screentime from the previous two films.



• 4:10 - Hellraiser III officially jumps the shark when Pinhead attacks an underground dance club and flying compact discs slice into the DJ's head, transforming him into a CD-throwing demon. Riiiight. Then Pinhead and the CD Demon chase the main girl (not Kirsty) down a city street, blowing ish up left and right. Watching ish like this is the reason that B criticizes my movie taste.



• 4:30 - Thankfully the movie has ended. Hellraiser III: 0.5 PB Jar



• 4:35 - Last but not least, it's Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002). Why am I ignoring Hellraisers IV and V, you ask? You'll have to take that up with the good people at MonstersHD, who decided to skip straight to VI (which, I found out later, was a straight-to-video release). Despite it's questionable credentials, I'm already liking the setup: Kirsty is back (in a secondary role), the lead actor is Dean Winters of Rescue Me and Law & Order semi-fame (pictured, below), and the movie itself is much more of a psychological thriller than a horror film.



• 6:00 - Wow! A great freakin' movie to bookend my Haloween marathon. Amazingly, this may be the BEST of the Hellraiser movies (unless that's just the alcohol and sugar talking.) This movie is a mind trip akin to playing that immensely entertaining Xbox/PS2 game "Max Payne". The viewer experiences the events of the movie through the protagonist's mind, and this subjective POV helps to ratchet up the viewer's curiosity and anxiety. Pinhead's benefits from reduced screentime; the director wisely hints at his presence in many scenes, but does not reveal him until the movie's conclusion. Overall, Hellraiser VI is a great stand-alone movie. It prioritizes intrigue and suspense over gore. You would enjoy it even if you're not a fan of the horror genre and haven't seen the original film. Hellseeker: 2.5 PB Jars

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I'm used to being ridiculed for my movie picks. I've been known to have "low standards" when it comes to my opinions on movies, and I'll admit that the haters may be right about that in some cases (Deep Blue Sea, Harold & Kumar, Jason vs. Freddy). But if there's one month a year when I can indulge my love of god-awful horror flicks without fear of ridicule, it is, of course, October.

October is a beautiful month for many reasons. The air gets a little cooler, the leaves begin to change color, and football dominates my weekends. October also boasts one of the most underrated holidays on the calendar. In my neighborhood, the Halloween decorations rival those which you would find at Christmas time, and pumpkins adorn almost every doorstep and storefront. And, whereas Christmas is known for its family-friendly fare and serious Oscar contenders, Halloween always ushers in a diverse collection of horror films: gory franchise pics like Saw IV, supernatural thrillers like The Grudge, and last but not least, good ol' monster movies like the just-released 30 Days of Night.

In case you heard that Josh Hartnett was in this movie and thought it was a sequel to the awful-tastic 40 Days and 40 Nights (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243736/), let me assure you that Hartnett has much bigger problems in this film than "keeping the snake in its cage" (to quote DeNiro in Meet the Parents). For starters, Hartnett is a sheriff in the northernmost town in the United States (Barrow, Alaska) in the dead of winter, and who else but vampires would love living in a place where the night lasts for a full month?

Whereas the standard horror B-movie begins with a gruesome death to set the tone, the establishing shot of 30 Days of Night is a solitary man walking up a snowbank. Ben Foster (Alpha Dog) once again channels his inner psycho in the role of an outsider doing the vampires' daylight dirty work. Harnett and that blond chick from the Amityville Horror re-make (as well as "Alias") play the heroes, and they definitely play up the melancholy of living in one of the most desolate places on Earth.

And what about the monsters in this monster movie? The vampires more closely resemble Dawn of the Dead zombies than traditional Count Draculas. They can't transform into bats or fly, but they can leap and pounce on their prey. One of the cool things about this horror movie is that, unlike its contemporaries, 30 Days is more about the terror of isolation than the glofification of gore. The small band of humans who survive the initial onslaught sequester themselves in an abandoned attic, cut off from the outside world. Their only hope is to wait out the neverending night, though as I'm sure you'd guess, something happens that draws them out of their hiding place and into harm's way. Bottom line: Even if you're not a huge fan of horror films, you'll enjoy this somewhat original take on the vampire legend. I was a little disappointed that the film didn't even try to explain the vampires' origins or reasons for invading small-town Alaska, but hey, it is a Josh Hartnett movie after all. 2 PB Jars

And one for the road...

I finally saw Transformers on DVD and thought it rocked. Shia LeBoeuf did a decent enough job to carry this Michael Bay blockbuster to the finish line, despite several corny lines and scenes. I was more impressed with the redonculous surround sound than the visual effects, but both were sweet as always. The obligatory Michael Bay car chases also passed muster. As long as you don't expect a sensical plot, you'll enjoy the ride. 2 PB Jars

Halloween [Rob Zombie Remix]

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

At some point in the next 10 days, there's a good chance you'll catch the original Halloween on cable as you're flipping through the channels. One of the most interesting notes about this film - besides the fact that it was actually filmed in the spring, and that the now infamous Michael Myers mask was actually a William Shatner mask spraypainted white - is that the killer is identified in the credits as simply "The Shape". Even though his name is now part of the slasher pantheon, along with Jason Voorhies and Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers began his teenager-terrorizing career as a rather anonymous "thing". He lacked emotion. He lacked an apparent motive. He never uttered a single word. The original Michael was more of a silent, mechanical predator in the Jaws mold than a manipulative, vengeful villain like Freddy Kruger.

So, in "reinvisioning" this horror classic, Rob Zombie took the rather obvious next step: he attempted to show what makes the monster tick. The first point of deviation from the original is that Michael speaks (albeit only during his childhood). Rob Zombie portrays young Michael as the stereotypical product of a broken home, abused by his step father at home and by bullies at school. Michael demonstrates the tell-tale signs of a sociopath, such as self-isolation and animal torture. All of this may sound cliched, but Zombie surprised me in his ability to make young Michael a sympathetic figure. Whereas the Michael of John Carpenter's original film appeared to kill his sister randomly and without motive, the "reinvisioned" Michael specifically targets the school bully (his first kill), his abusive step father, and the promiscuous older sister who refused to take him trick-or-treating. He's not a killing machine, per se. He spares his younger sister, Laurie, and he shows genuine affection toward his mother even after the killings. This new Michael is much more than a phantom "Shape" or "Bogeyman". His kills, though gruesome and appalling, feel strangely justified. If you've ever seen Showtime's fantastic series "Dexter", you get the idea.

Personally, I prefer the original Michael, and not just for nostalgic reasons. The great thing about the original Halloween is that it's so simple, and yet so compelling. We don't know why Michael became a killer, or how he chooses his targets. We just know that he's on the loose, and that you should run immediately if you spot him. The new Halloween (and the reinvisioned Michael) is messier, more complex, and ultimately less entertaining than the original. However, if you're a fan of Rob Zombie's previous films, or you'd rather not shell out $10 for another installment of Saw, the new Halloween isn't a bad go. Halloween (1978): 3 PB Jars. Halloween (2007): 2 PB Jars.

Vote!! What was your favorite film of Summer 2007?

Check out our nifty new survey tool on the left and log your vote for the best film of Summer 2007! If you have selected "Other?", please post a comment here with your pick. If your selection has enough support, we'll add it to the survey (unless, of course, your selection is Hostel II, in which case I will promptly delete your comment - yes P, I'm talking to you).

John Harvard... Master Chief?

I have to hand it to the nerds at MIT for pulling off this amusing "hack" (MIT language for "prank"). At moments like these I'm glad that those kids don't have lives.

Now, the real question of interest to pb&movies is when will the Halo trilogy be adapted for the big screen? Maybe in 2009 according to IMDb.

3:10 to Yawn

I had high hopes for the pairing of Christian Bale and Russell Crowe in the remake of western 3:10 to Yuma, and it delivered... boredom. I saw Yuma as the front end of a double feature, my first in a long time (sidenote: If you've never tried the unofficial double feature, you really need to. P - a future post topic!?). Unfortunately for Yuma, I saw Shoot 'Em Up as the second flick. Immediately after the first movie ended, I had a mixed reaction. The acting had been fine, the action exciting but unoriginal, but I really didn't have any visceral engagement with the characters or the finale. Of course, after being on the edge of my seat laughing and cheering throughout Shoot 'Em Up, my real issues with Yuma came out. 3:10 to Yuma is slow for no reason, and since it is slow, I expect a lot deeper, more engaging characters.

I blame the screenwriting, which didn't give us enough depth with Crowe's outlaw, Ben Wade, to really understand any of the choices he makes towards the end of the film. The writing is unfortunate, because both actors, Bale and Crowe, are on their game, bringing an intesity to these somewhat lifeless western caricatures. But the intensity seems out of place with no emotional weight to back it up. As for the pace, there are a number of unnecessary scenes and drawn out shots that accomplish nothing other than to put the audience to sleep. When I compare 3:10 to Yuma with Open Range, my favorite western of the new millenium but also a slow moving film, I find the characters, action and emotional weight of the latter to be significantly more original and engaging. So, skip 3;10 to Yuma and instead drop whatever you're doing and go see Shoot 'Em Up right now!.

3:10 to Yuma - 1.5 PB Jars

Drop whatever you're doing and go see Shoot 'Em Up right now!

Damn this movie kicked ass! You need to get up right now and go see it, especially since its days at the multiplex are numbered. Imagine all the best parts of all your favorite mindless stylized action flicks packed end-to-end for 80 adrenaline pumping minutes and you've got the idea behind Shoot 'Em Up. You know what you're in for during the first two minutes of the movie when Clive Owen's character, Mr. Smith, kills some bad dude with a carrot... that's right A CARROT. This badass Bugs Bunny in a trench coat then goes on an oil-slick rampage that makes The Transporter look lethargically paced. The premise is absurd. Mr. Smith is a grumpy bum waiting for a bus when he decides to play good Samaritan to a a pregnant lady being chased by a guy with a gun. The guy with a gun is just one of many guys with guns, lead by Paul Giamatti's uberassassin, who seem intent on killing this lady and her baby. Turns out Mr. Smith is some former black ops superfighter who knows a thing or two about kicking ass, and mayhem ensues... for 80 minutes. The incredibly hot Monica Bellucci shows up as a hooker with a maternal instinct, but all you really need to know about her character is that she makes a shoot-out-while-having-sex possible. Again, completely absurd. Owen and Giamatti play their characters to over-the-top perfection, taking this film from excess for the sake of excess into the realm of satire. Every action scene, which is pretty much the entire movie, has repeat "holy sh-t" moments where you don't know whether to laugh, scream or applaud the stuntmen. In sum, go see this movie, go see it now, you'll be glad you did.

Shoot 'Em Up - 3 PB Jars

I'm back!

i know you all have been dripping with anticipation, just waiting for me to post again, so here goes:

Thoughts on Best Football Movies - Varsity Blues and Jerry Maguire have to be on the list, hands down. Since I've never seen Necessary Roughness or Little Giants (which I can't imagine is good), I'm knocking those off. For the most part I agree with the rest of P's choices. Friday Night Lights was highly overrated and works much better as a tv show than it did as a feature film. The entire topic does beg the question - why so many fewer good football movies than baseball movies? Even the best football flicks (AGS, Program) pale in comparison to the best baseball films (The Natural, Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Sandlot, The Rookie, Major League, the list goes on). I'd argue that baseball translates far better onto celluloid because there is a natural folklore element to the sport that facilitates more engaging storytelling. Football, while exciting to watch on tv, has much less personality and as a result is more difficult to craft characters and story around.

Best Place to See a Movie - Alamo Drafthouse, Austin Texas. If you haven't had the pleasure of taking in a movie in a theatre where you can order food and drink, you need to give it a try. I caught The Simpsons Movie at the Alamo Drafthouse during one of my recent trips to Austin. The theatre has every other row removed to make room for a small table on which to sit your food and bucket(s) of beer. For the Simpsons showing, the Drafthouse had a special menu including Duff beer, a Krusty Double Burger Meal, a Ribwich, a Donut Casserole, and more. The entire experience was amazing. There is no better way to watch the Simpsons than with a Duff in your hand. I'd only give The Simpsons Movie itself a 1.5 PB Jar rating, but after a couple buckets of Duff at the Drafthouse it was an easy 3.

For some additional insight into the Alamo Drafthouse, rent Hot Fuzz on dvd and check out their US Tour documentary for the screening in Austin. In fact, rent Hot Fuzz anyway because it is hilarious. While I don't think the hotly anticipated follow-up to Shaun of the Dead could possibly have lived up to my unfairly high expectations, it put forth a valiant effort and any shortcomings were more than made up for by the non-stop blood, guts and laughs of the film's final 20 minutes.

Best Movie of the Summer (so far) - It is a tough call between Ratatouille (3 PB Jars) and the Bourne Ultimatum (3 PB Jars), with Superbad (3 PB Jars) and Knocked Up (2.5 PB Jars) close behind. A full summer round-up is called for next week, once Fall is officially upon us. I had high hopes for Shoot 'em Up and 3:10 to Yuma, but based on preliminary reviews (NYT called Shoot 'em Up a "worthless piece of garbage") I'm doubtful that these will crack my top films of the summer.

So, that's about it. See you all again in another 2 months.

Reader Feedback Poll #2

"Welcome to foot, balls!"

What better way to celebrate the kickoff of football season than a Top 5 list to generate some reader feedback...

ALL-TIME TOP 5 FOOTBALL FILMS

5. Little Giants - I'd put it a notch below The Sandlot, but Giants definitely succeeds at entertaining viewers of all ages. Rick Moranis and Ed O'Neill deserve props.

4. Rudy - Classic.

3. Necessary Roughness - Not a perfect movie, but it does a good job of blending on-the-field action with off-the-field antics. Scott Bakula, Rob Schneider, Kathy Ireland, and Sinbad - talk about your dream-team lineup.

2. Any Given Sunday - Could easily have been #1 on my list, but it did run a little long and get a little ridiculous at times. Jamie Foxx warms up for future Oscar-nominated roles as the phenom QB "Steamin'" Willie Beamen. (My only question: Why didn't he throw more passes to TO?) The slo-mo rain storm scene rocked.

1. The Program - I've heard that college football players consider this the most realistic football movie ever made. I'm not sure if they're talking about the part when the star QB starts a bar fight, or when the juiced-up lineman smashes his head through a car window. In any case, this movie is the perfect combo of football and extracurricular action, with spot-on performances by James Caan, Omar Epps, Kristy Swanson, and Halle Berry.

Second String: The Waterboy, Friday Night Lights, Remember the Titans, School Ties, Varsity Blues

Cut during Training Camp: Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver, Angels in the Endzone [in truth, I haven't seen either of these movies]

Surprised that Jerry Maguire didn't make the cut? Pissed off because I didn't include The Replacements? Please share your thoughts below...

Thriller Triple Feature

There's no better way to pump some adrenaline into the dog days of summer than a cold beverage and a suspenseful movie (or three) from Blockbuster…

Vacancy - A capably-executed thriller, Vacancy proves to be quite watchable despite its overly familiar plot. A youngish couple gets stranded in the sticks and stumbles upon a sketchy, rundown motel. The creepy manager is played by Frank Whaley, who you may remember as the Kahuna Burger guy who gets blown away by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction. What I'm going to say next shouldn't even classify as a spoiler because it's so obvious (plus the trailer gave it away): Whaley's manager has video cameras hidden in all the motel rooms so that he can shoot snuff films. Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale prove to be less than willing participants (shocker). Running, hiding, and screaming ensue. Is Vacancy scary? Meh. Is it entertaining? Enough to be worth the rental fee. I'm still not convinced that Luke Wilson can act, but he, Beckinsale, and Whaley do a fine job of carrying this movie. Note to self: If your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, sleep in your car. 2 PB Jars

Premonition - On Wednesday, Sandra Bulluck's husband dies in a car accident. She wakes up the next day and he's drinking coffee in the kitchen. She wakes up the next day and her husband is dead again and his funeral is that afternoon. If you are intrigued, rent this movie. If you couldn't care less, go with Vacancy. How's that for a concise movie review? 1.5 PB Jars

The Number 23 - Since achieving stardom with Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey is batting around .250 in serious roles. Most recently he hit a home run with Eternal Sunshine (or so I've heard), so I shouldn't have expected another hit when I rented The Number 23. I really, really wanted to like this movie, but I found much of it boring. I generally enjoy quasireligious gothic thrillers, but this film hardly qualifies. To illustrate, here's a quick synopsis: Walter Sparrow (Carrey) begins reading a book called "The Number 23." The narrator's life bears remarkable similarities to his own - though the narrator is a detective. Director Joel Schumacher provides noirish cut scenes of Sparrow imaging himself acting out the events of the book. (Carrey is laughable as a hard-boiled detective.) Sparrow adopts the narrator's obsession with the number 23, finding myriad ways to make names, addresses, and dates add up to this supposedly diabolic number. (Two divided by three equals .666.) Somehow he becomes convinced that the "cursed" number will provoke him to kill his wife… buh? To reiterate, I love movies like The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, and even The Ninth Gate -- but The Number 23 definintely does not live up to these psychological thrillers. 1 PB Jar

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days till Rob Zombie's Halloween re-make hits theaters. Now there's a thriller that should earn 3 PB Jars! *

Snakes on an ESPN

The Convergence of Hollywood, Bristol, and Fantasy Football

by Peanut

What do Samuel L. Jackson, Howie "Stump the" Schwab, and yours truly have in common?

We were all at ESPN's Bristol campus on Monday morning. Now granted, I didn't get to meet the star of Deep Blue Sea in person, nor did I have the chance to grill the Schwab with random sports trivia questions. (I did catch a glimpse of him waddling across the parking lot toward his car, however.) But I knew I was in their presence all the same, and I got to thinking about the recent convergence of Hollywood, pro sports, and MySpace in American culture.


Pro athletes have certainly walked the Hollywood red carpets for years, but only in the past decade or so have film actors and TV personalities made their presence known in the sporting world. From the MTV "Rock & Jock B-Ball Jam" (Duchovny's got mad game, btw) to the ESPY Awards (hosted by Jackson and other A-list celebrities), the entertainment and sports worlds have truly become intertwined. It was prophetic that Bill Rasmussen named his fledgling cable network the "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network" when it launched back in 1979. His original idea was to create a regional network dedicated to UConn Huskies and Hartford Whalers coverage. Little did he know that, within 30 years, Hollywood stars would be dropping by his isolated Connecticut headquarters to appear on morning sports shows.


Last night I tuned into ESPN's "SportsCenter Fantasy Draft Special," expecting an all-star cast of NFL experts -- guys like John Clayton, Chris Mortensen, and Sal "I'm Not A City In Texas" Paolantonio. Mort was there, along with fellow ESPN regular Michael A. Smith and a handful of former NFL all-pros and all-wastes-of-space. (Sean Salisbury, I'm looking in your direction.) The real shocker, though, was the inclusion of actor Jerry O'Connell. That's right: Jerry...freakin'...O'Connell. I'm supposed to be getting fantasy draft tips from the star of Tomcats? Does playing a bit role in Jerry Maguire really qualify you for NFL expert status?

Okay, in all honesty, I was not offended by Jerry O'Connell's participation in this rather ridiculous televised event.* He demonstrated at least a rudimentary understanding of fantasy football, which cannot be said for Michael Smith. (Smith didn't draft a running back till Round 4, which is how he got stuck with Marion Barber and rookie Adrian Peterson as his starting RBs. Michael, your Boston Globe writing gig and substitute role on the Mike & Mike radio show don't excuse you from taking a nationally-televised fantasy draft seriously.) And for all I know, O'Connell really is an avid fantasy football player, not just a struggling actor with nothing better to do than be referred to as "Kush" on national TV by a guy with the equally ridiculous (real) name of Trey Wingo.

The point is that Hollywood celebrities are just as obsessed with sports as the hoi poloi; they're just more likely to show up on TV while discussing or playing sports. Ah, but that's where the fantasy football boom and Howie Schwab come in. You and I don't have to have Snakes on a Plane on our resumes in order to be fantasy commissioners. You and I don't have to be married to Rebecca Romijn in order to have people listen to us opine on the merits of drafting Larry Johnson with the 3rd overall pick. The Samuel L. Jacksons and Jerry O'Connells of the world are just visitors in the land of Fantasy Sports, where the Stat Freak is king. Lest ye think that fantasy football is just some dumb fad: 14 million Americans (and growing) will play fantasy football this year, with an estimated cost of $435m in lost work productivity.**

In the world of blogging, YouTubing, and fantasy football strategizing, guys like Howie Schwab rub elbows with guys like Jerry O'Connell...and then take home their league's championship prize. What does it all mean? Your guess is as good as mine, but it sure sounds like the forces of democratization are at work. Hollywood used to be the refuge of the rich and famous, but now at least some of the stars are falling to earth -- for a 5-minute interview on SportsCenter, or a chance to draft LT. Anyway, I've done enough ranting for today, so I'm going to finish listening to this fantasy football podcast on the way to Blockbuster to rent Tomcats.

* Check out this site to see what made the ESPN SportsCenter Fantasy Draft so ridiculous:
http://winningtheturnoverbattle.blogspot.com/2007/08/worst-draft-ever.html

Here's an excerpt: "Watching these 'experts' do a fantasy draft is like watching a dating advice show hosted by Screech and Bill Nye the Science Guy."

** "Fantasy football costs businesses $435M in lost productivity," Sacramento Business Journal 22 Aug. 2007, <http://www.bizjournals.com/sacramento/stories/2007/08/20/daily30.html>.

Superbad = Supergood

After 4 months of sporadic online bickering, B. and I finally had the chance to view and discuss a movie in person. We picked a good one for a post-hangover Sunday evening: Superbad, starring Michael Cera of "Arrested Development" and Jonah Hill of Knocked Up. Great flick, though like most comedies I've seen in the past year, I felt like the hilarious first half gave way to a slower/sappier conclusion. I'll give this film an enthusiastic 2.5 PB Jars and open it up to B. and our faithful readers to share their own thoughts...

Make It A Blockbuster Summer

Despite a semi-hiatus from movie blogging over the past 2 months, I am back with a vengeance -- and a new Top 5 list for those Dog Days of Summer...

My Top 5 "I don't remember adding this to my Blockbuster Online queue...but I guess I'll give it a shot since it's July and I don't got sh** to do" Movies

1. Chinatown (1974). Awesome, awesome movie. Director Roman Polanksi reinviogrates the film noir genre and Jack Nicholson proves he's the finest actor of his generation. In his investigation of adultery, murder, and a mysterious water shortage, private eye Jake Gittes utters some of the best one-liners in Hollywood history. Chinatown includes two iconic images you may have seen in an Oscar Night montage: (1) Nicholson slapping the crap out of Faye Dunaway, and (2) Polanski, playing a thug, slicing through Nicholson's left nostrel with a switchblade. (I mean, in how many movies does the hero wear a huge bandage on his nose?) If you liked L.A. Confidential, then you better take a trip down to Chinatown. 3 PB Jars

2. Assault on Precinct 13 (2005). I doubt this remake lives up to John Carpenter's original (haven't seen it), but it boasts an all-star cast, an intriguing plot, and some entertaining action sequences. Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne form a formidable cop-gangsta duo against the corrupt police squad looking to wipe out anyone and everyone who might expose their dealings. Gabriel Byrne is underused as the brooding captain in charge of the assault; I would gladly have given him some of Ja Rule's screentime. Maria Bello (A History of Violence) doesn't get naked, nor does she do much to advance the plot, but Drea de Matteo picks up the slack. 2 PB Jars

3. Hannibal Rising (2007). I assumed that the absence of Anthony Hopkins would doom this horror/suspense pre-prequel. As it turned out, I was pleasantly surprised by French actor Gaspard Ulliel's portrayal of a traumatized, vengeful Hannibal Lecter during his formative years. Although WWII back stories have been used before (X-Men, Exorcist: The Beginning), the sequence in which Young Hannibal watches a starving band of Lithuanian mercenaries eat his younger sister proves quite unsettling. Hannibal proceeds on a quest that is more akin to Munich than Hostel; in fact, I wouldn't even classify this as a horror movie. The deliberative pacing allows the quality acting to shine through. Even if you're not a fan of Silence of the Lambs, you'll still find this to be a thoughtful and well-crafted film. 2 PB Jars

4. Dark Water (2005). Another atypical "horror/suspense" movie, at least in the sense that it prioritizes mood and atmosphere over gore and scare tactics. I live about 10 minutes from Roosevelt Island, the sliver of land between Manhattan and Queens which provides the setting for the movie, but after seeing Dark Water I have absolutely no interest in ever visiting. The dreary apartment complex that houses a divorced mom (Jennifer Connelly), her precocious daughter, and a water-logged ghost is downright scary -- if for no other reason than the fact that people really do live there. The movie loses points for its lack of an original storyline; The Ring and The Grudge did it first and did it better. 1.5 PB Jars

5. Red Corner (1997). If you're gonna go to China on a business trip, make sure not to hook up with the daughter of a high-ranking general while getting blackout drunk. You may wake up with blood on your clothes, be rushed to a prison cell, and experience a series of degrading beatings -- not to mention having the lights shut off and your glasses broken so that you can't read up on the Chinese legal code. If this wasn't the moral of Red Corner, then I'm sure it had something to do with justice or the superiority of the American way. Either way, the court room scenes make this film feel like sequel to A Few Good Men, though the Richard Gere-Ling Bai chemistry helps to set Red Corner apart slightly. As for the trappings of autocracy depicted in the film -- ominpresent surveillance cameras, incompetent officials, and unlawful imprisonment -- well, it looks today like the Chinese way of life may not be so alien after all. 1.5 PB Jars

The Simpsons Movie

Since I'm by no means a die-hard fan of the series, my opinion may not reflect the feelings of millions of Simpsonphiles who waited 18 long years for a big-screen "adaptation." However, I'd say that The Simpsons Movie met my expectation for laughs, even if it was little more than three Simpsons episodes duct taped together. (The screenwriters turn this fact into a gag at one point by throwing up a "To Be Continued... Immediately" message.) The wide screen format allowed the creators to fit nearly every Springfield resident in the frame at one time (for example, during the angry mob scene). However, the movie gives short shrift to many of the show's most popular characters. Krusty? Principal Skinner? I guess we'll have to wait for the sequel.

I was disappointed that the screenwriters couldn't come up with a more epic plot. Something along the lines of "Who shot Mr. Burns?" would have been more interesting to me than another "Homer puts his family/town/self in harm's way" story. Also, haven't the writers used the whole "The Simpsons are moving to _____!" plot about a hundred times? However, as I mentioned, the movie had some hilarious moments. ("Spider-Pig" = my personal favorite. The naked skateboarding scene was a close second.)

My "no comedies in the theater" mantra is becoming more of a guideline than a hard-and-fast rule, but as with Knocked Up, I have to recommend a trip to the multiplex for a viewing of The Simpsons Movie. 2 PB Jars

rating system refresher

in case you missed it the first time around, the rating system is explained in this post.

in short:
3 = best
2 = good
1 = fair
0 = "the siege" (atrocious)

I agree... get knocked up

Peanut is right on, for the most part. Knocked Up is definitely the best movie I've seen this summer. Solid chemistry between the leads, a scene-stealing Paul Rudd, and realistic situations with relevant characters make this flick a winner. It is a better movie than equally hilarious but absurdly over the top comedies like Old School, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Dodgeball, etc.

But, better than 40-Year Old Virgin ? I think not. Virgin has no slow parts, is equally relevant and hilarious, and maintains itself upon repeat viewings. While I've only seen Knocked Up once, I'm pretty confident that the ass-dragging 3rd quarter of the movie (which Peanut alludes to) would wear on me more and more with each watching. There is no reason why this movie had to be longer than 2hrs. That said, I might buy the DVD just to watch the Vegas chair scene over and over and over again... priceless!

Now, more importantly, when I saw Knocked Up I also caught the trailer for Superbad. I could not be more excited. I'm going out on a limb and giving Superbad a preemptive 3 PB Jars based on the trailer alone. Peanut - on August 17th you're breaking your "no comedy in the theater" rule again and we're both ponying up 11 bills for what promises to be the best comedy of the summer.

MOVIE POLITICS IN A NUTSHELL: Desperate Times

By Peanut

Post-apocalyptic films illuminate contemporary crises by magnifying them. Uncontrolled migration. Nuclear terrorist attacks. The dissolution of law and order. In many of these films, evil forces are to blame for human suffering: ruthless machines (The Terminator, The Matrix), demented gangs (12 Monkeys, Escape from New York), etc. What the immigrants and criminals and terrorists have in common is an overwhelming sense of desperation. Children of Men takes this root cause, desperation, and magnifies it.

The film envisions a future world (year 2027) in which women have lost the ability to bear children. With no hope for a next generation, the mores and morals of society break down. The utter desperation of the human race to procreate drives one man (Clive Owen) to risk life and limb to protect the last human child.

One side issue that stuck out for me in this film was the allusion to Islamic fundamentalism and global terrorism. In particular, news footage of a bombed-out Manhattan -- aparently leveled by a nuclear explosion -- gave me chills. The film's setting, London, lends itself to current-event discussions about Muslim immigration, segregation, extremism, and so on. I think it's important in this context to note that the supposed "threat" of Muslim immigration to the Western world is often exaggerated. Are European Muslims really poised to take over the continent? They constitute only 4% of the population (The Economist 28 April 2007: 40). Moreover, they come from quite diverse backgrounds and frequently fight within their own religious group, dispelling the myth of a monolithic Muslim "Other."

Children of Men does an excellent job of pulling the viewer into this dystopian near-future society, and it touches on issues that are both divisive and daunting. 3 PB Jars

I Got Knocked Up (They Won't Let Me Out)

Knocked Up: 2.5 PB jars

On May 18th, PB&M guest contributor Fluffhead made the following prediction: "Knocked Up will be the best comedy of the summer, and Rogen will be a big reason why." Despite my initial doubts before seeing Knocked Up, I would now go so far as to call this the best movie of the summer so far. It definitely surpassed Judd Apatow's previous offering, The Forty Year-Old Virgin, which had drawn favorable comparisons to beloved gross-out hits like There's Something About Mary, American Pie, and The Wedding Crashers.

Here's my take: Knocked Up has more non-stop laughs than Virgin or Crashers. It is sentimental but not gooey like American Pie. It features talented leads (Rogan, Katerine Heigl) perfectly cast in their respective roles. I'll admit, I wasn't blown away by Rogan's performance in Virgin, but he definitely seemed to step up his game here. (It's hard to tell how much "acting" is required for Rogan to play a lazy schlub, but luckily there are plenty of comedies in need of this character-type.)

My criticisms of the movie: It's a bit on the long side, but probably only by 10-15 minutes. There's a slight lull around the time that Seth Rogan's character gets in trouble for not reading the baby books, yet it's nowhere near as bad as the huge dead spot in the last third of Wedding Crashers. Oh yeah, and then there's three (count 'em, THREE) unneccessary shots of a baby's head crowning.

Otherwise, Knocked Up is a must-see for anyone who may have passed over this comedy in favor of flashier summer blockbuster fare. As I've mentioned in the past, I have a "no comedies in the theater" policy which I rarely break. (It's hard for me to justify paying $11 in Manhattan for a movie sans special effects... crowning baby head not withstanding.) However, Knocked Up is so hilarious that you can't afford to wait till it's DVD release.

MOVIE POLITICS IN A NUTSHELL: Livin' It Up at the Hostel Slovakia

By Peanut

Hostel Part II: 2.5 PB Jars
Turistas: 1 PB Jar

Pirates, superhero costumes, animated ogres -- that's all kiddie stuff. If you're looking for some R-rated (ahem... PG-13 Live Free or Die Hard), bad-ass, summer sequel action, look no further than Hostel II.

From the twisted mind of Eli Roth, the Quentin Tarantino protege who created the original Hostel and the horror-comedy gem Cabin Fever, Hostel II puts a new spin on the genre. The film boasts the requisite gore, suspenseful music, and unnecessary nudity, yet it also shows us a rare glimpse of the larger network of evil that keeps the infamous Hostel in business. When three female tourists show up at the Hostel's front desk, an online auction immediately begins for the right to torture and kill each unsuspecting American. (Participants in this macabre bidding war include a yuppie businessman sitting on his living room couch and a half-naked woman on a yacht. Ah...the wonders of wi-fi.) Eli Roth excels at creating inexplicably humorous moments; the expressions of anxiety on the faces of these frantic "ebay" bidders are priceless.

From here, you'd expect the "kids trapped in a haunted house with crazed killers" formula to play out as usual, but Roth keeps the twists coming. The (prospective) crazed killers are neither masked nor anonymous. Central among them is a weak-willed family man, bullied by his brother (who's juiced up on 'roids) into participating in the Hostel's male-fantasy bloodsport. Observing his "prey" at a local Slovakian beer fest, the reluctant killer makes the mistake of bumping into and conversing with the girl he's about to torture. He seems like such a normal, good-natured guy that it's almost impossible to imagine he will go through with the deed -- making it all the sweeter (and more disturbing) when he confronts his bound-and-gagged prize later in the film.

You may be thinking that none of this sounds remotely entertaining, and if you've subjected yourself to Texas Chainsaw Massacre or any of the Saw movies, I understand why you'd think that. But I'd say Hostel II is more akin to a great Shakespearean comedy. We meet some sympathetic characters, some f'd up sh** happens in the middle, but order is eventually restored with hilarious consequences. Though the protagonist gets pretty roughed up, the bad guys eventually get it even worse. The demise of the attractive Eastern European chick who initially lures the three American girls to Slovakia literally had me cracking up in the theater. Eli Roth has a way of doling out vigilante justice to law-breaking foreigners that would make the "Minutemen Civil Defense Corps" proud.

If you're still not convinced that Hostel II (or any horror/gory movie, for that matter) is worth a $10 admission price, I humbly respect your opinion. However, if you find yourself in the New Release section at Blockbuster and come across Turistas, PLEASE do not subject yourself to this derivative crap. Turistas is a prime example of that cliched marketing ploy: saying that ____ movie is great because "it's ______ meets ______!" Here, it's "You'll looooove Turistas -- it's Hostel meets The Real Cancun, with a pinch of Josh Duhamel!" The Real Cancun comparison may fit; there's plenty of scantily-clad girls, drunken frolicking on the beach, etc. Yet the Brazilian beach setting does nothing to spice up the Hostel-"inspired" (to put it nicely) plot. Tour bus breaks down on the way to Rio; American tourists find isolated beach paradise; said tourists are lured to an even more isolated house where sociopaths use them as surgical specimens. Been there, done that.

The only saving grace for Turistas is it's oh-so-subtle critique of American imperialism and the ill will generated by our exploitation of the Third World. The native Brazilians prove highly suspicious of Josh Duhamel and co. because of a recent spate of kidnappings -- Brazilian children stolen and killed by American organ peddlers. It turns out that [SPOILER ALERT] the chief baddie in the movie is a Brazilian surgeon looking to right this wrong by stealing organs from Americans and donating them to community hospitals. When the tourists of the film's title find themselves in hot water, the locals angrily turn on them as well. It's an interesting political comment from such a schlocky film, but it's not enough to salvage it. Stick with Eli Roth's Cabin Fever and Hostel I and II. There's no place like Hostel.

A Plea for Studio 60

As some of you may know, NBC recently decided to cancel "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." The show stars Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, and Amanda Peet as the head writer, director, and network president, respectively, behind an SNL-like sketch comedy show.

Though I was hesitant to discuss the cancellation of "Studio 60" on this movie blog, it turns out that the show's demise may hold some lessons for Hollywood producers (see below). Moreover, "Studio 60" (created by Aaron Sorkin, who also created "West Wing") is one of those rare high-concept, high-production-value shows that rivals the artistry of motion pictures. So while this post may seem out-of-place, I do believe its tangentially-related to movies.

Anyway, this morning I read an article urging "Studio 60" fans to rally behind the canceled show. Though I agreed with the article's general premise -- that NBC shouldn't have been so hasty to kill such a well-written program -- I took issue with several points the author made. Here is a link to the original article, followed by the response I sent to the author:

Save Studio 60: Fans Need to Take Action by Jack Myers

http://blogs.mediavillage.com/jack/archives/2007/06/save_studio_60.html#more

My response:

As a proud viewer of Sports Night, The West Wing, and Studio 60, I appreciate your defense of Aaron Sorkin's unique brand of TV "high art." Your efforts to spark grassroots movement in support of Studio 60 are praiseworthy. However, I must take issue with several mischaracterizations I found in your article.

First, you claim that "even though Studio 60 was outperforming several other series that NBC retained for another season, Studio 60 represented an enigma to the network programmers." You are certainly correct that, ratings-wise, Studio 60 outperformed numerous programs on NBC's schedule this season. (Not hard to do when you're on a network ranked behind the other three major broadcast nets.) However, Studio 60 is also one of the most expensive programs on NBC's roster. High salaries for its marquee creator-writer (Sorkin) and big-name stars (Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet, and Steven Weber, to name a few) mean Studio 60 costs NBC a pretty penny to produce ($2-3 million per episode). Thus, Studio 60's cost-per-viewer average is higher than almost every other show in NBC's prime-time lineup. Think of an analogous situation facing a Hollywood producer: Which is a better investment, a $200 million blockbuster that grosses $250 million at the box office, or a $5 million indie film that grosses $60 million? Studio 60 failed because it was a nightmare to the network accountants, not "an enigma to the network programmers." Studio 60 didn't fail because its viewers "were less likely to stay tuned for the show following Studio 60." After all, the show was on from 10:00-11:00, the final hour of prime time! It's lead-out is local news! In fact, I'm sure NBC was pleased that Studio 60's viewers tended to be older and more affluent, i.e., more attractive to advertisers hoping they'll buy the products advertised during the commercial breaks. Personally, I believe NBC underestimated Studio 60's audience and, in turn, its long-term potential -- it is one of the most-recorded shows, one of the best-selling on iTunes, and one of the most watched among middle- to upper-class viewers targeted by advertisers.

Second, you identify a lack of "compelling storytelling" as the show's biggest flaw, yet Sorkin's storytelling style in Studio 60 closely resembles that of his top-rated, Emmy Award-winning series The West Wing. In my humble opinion, Studio 60 suffered two much more glaring weaknesses not present in The West Wing: (a) a lack of political "gravity" and (b) unsuccessful genre-crossing. The first problem stems from show's subject: a sketch-comedy TV program. Sorkin took an admirable stab at infusing Studio 60 with timely political debates (about censorship, religion, etc.), but in many episodes it was hard to ignore the sense that "it's JUST a sketch-comedy show, so who really cares?" Whereas the decisions made in West Wing's Oval Office affected (fictional) millions, the decisions made in the Studio 60 control room affected the cast, crew, and (indirectly) its viewing audience. (In Sorkin's defense, the kidnapping of Tom Jeter's brother by Afghani insurgents proved to be a compelling late-season, life-or-death story arc.) This leads us to a second failing: Studio 60 couldn't figure out what type of show it wanted to be for much of the season. Is it a comedy? A romantic comedy? A political drama? Rather than a genre hybrid, Studio 60 often felt like a hodgepodge of scenes (and themes). The "on again, off again" relationship between Matt and Harriet was annoying; the Matt-Harriet-Luke love triangle felt forced. Perhaps Sorkin should have stayed true to the West Wing model of "chemistry sans consummation." Sorkin received a lot of press when he said that West Wing fan favorites Josh and Donna wouldn't get together until Sorkin had sorted out his own love life, and what resulted was one of the most complex and interesting relationships in TV history. This also left Sorkin with more time to explore the meat-and-potatoes political/moral issues at the heart of the show. In contrast, Studio 60 frequently got bogged down in romantic melodrama.

Finally, your article mischaracterizes Studio 60's core audience. If they're "intelligent," then why would they be unlikely to respond to your appeal for support? In fact, I think you have it quite backward when you argue that "intelligent" TV viewers won't "take part in political action to support a television series." Intelligent viewers have successfully organized movements to save Family Guy from Fox's trash heap; to resurrect Firefly in the form of the feature-length movie, Serenity; and, as you mentioned, to earn another batch of Jericho episodes from CBS. Whether upset fans will rally together behind Studio 60 remains to be seen, but your half-hearted attempt at reverse psychology in your final paragraph certainly won't be the spark. My suggestion: Fans should encourage NBC to (1) slim Studio 60's budget by limiting the number of episodes produced and cutting some high-priced actors (D.L. Hughley, for starters); (2) replace them with actual up-and-coming sketch comedians; (3) move the show to NBC's cable sister, USA (the #1 cable network), where it could be partnered up with another brilliantly-written NBC castoff, Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

Almodovar? Yo Quiero Que Vuelvas!

Volver - 3 PB Jars!

I don’t think that there is a director working in Hollywood today who can match Pedro Almodovar’s skill in repeatedly delivering beautifully entertaining artistic spectacles. Volver leapt off the screen with arresting visuals and complex characters, straight to the middle of my top 5 of 2006. That's right, Casino Royale is off the list and Volver takes the #3 spot, ahead of #4 Children of Men and #5 The Devil Wears Prada, but still behind #1 United 93 and #2 The Departed.

Volver 's premise is slightly crazy. But, then again, it wouldn't be vintage Almodovar without a wacky over-the-top situation that captivates us with fantasy, yet grounds us with richly developed characters and the depths of human emotion. Raimunda (Penelope Cruz in her best role since Abre Los Ojos / Open Your Eyes) is married to a drunk, who is murdered by Raimunda's daughter Paula after he drunkenly attempts to rape her. Ramunda hides her husband's body in a neighboring restaurant's freezer, which indirectly leads to a new employment opportunity (Interesting fact: this plot is the subject of a joke in Almodovar's earlier film The Flower of My Secret, when the main character is chided for attempting to write a book depicting similar circumstances). In the meantime, Raimunda's sister Sole has seen her and Raimunda's mother, who supposedly had passed away in a fire 4 months earlier. These major plotlines weave throughout the neighborhoods of Madrid as well as a small town in La Mancha. Various neighbors and friends become involved, sometimes for dramatic effect, and often times for comic effect.

It is films like Volver that remind me that a movie is more than witty plot, more than just stylish actors spouting crafted lines. Many times I found myself as captivated by the beauty of the shot as by the plot of the movie itself. Almodovar uses his visuals so effectively, they are as important as any one character. Every shot in the film is beautifully composed in a well thought out manner that contributes to the narrative. Despite depicting some of the worst in human shortcomings (rape, incest, murder, loneliness, abandonment), the film is ultimately a celebration of female strength in spite of these shortcomings. The bright, saturated colors imbue an optimism into even the darkest moments of the film. The cast inhabits their characters rather than acting them. The direction is tight and every scene has a purpose. The cinematography carries the film without obscuring it. In sum, Volver is a perfectly balanced film.

If, like me, you watch Volver and find Almodovar's style captivating and want to discover more, check out Viva Pedro for information on the re-release of many of Almodovar's classics in major-city theatres around the country.